IM with the Cullens
by Sam the Ant Ha
Summary: Start with a chatroom. Throw in the Cullens, add in a human and werewolf, spice it up with a dash of jealousy and a spoonful of lust, mix throughly and it's a recipe for disaster. *Rated M because now I have dirty talk.
1. Annoying Little Pixie

**Disclaimer: I sadly _do not_ own Twilight.**

**Hope you enjoy... please review! :)**

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**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash: Jacob**

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**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello, love.**

**MsFallsAlot: Uh, hi?**

**DoIDazzleU: It's me, Bella. Edward.**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh! Hi!**

**MsFallsAlot: And yes, you do dazzle me.**

**DoIDazzleU: *chuckles* You told me so. Did you want to go to the meadow tomorrow?**

**MsFallsAlot: The meadow? Uh, I have plans.**

**DoIDazzleU: Plans!? With who!?**

**MsFallsAlot: Um....**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Me. She has plans with me, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: She does?**

**MsFallsAlot: I do? Who are you?**

**ICanCU: It's me, Alice. Gosh your slow Bella. And you do have plans with me.**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh! *nervous laugh* Yeah, I have plans, sorry.**

**DoIDazzleU: I feel like I'm being lied too.**

**ICanCU: You don't feel anything, that's Jasper's power.**

**MsFallsAlot: Yeah, so do whatever it is vampires do when they're turned down.**

**ICanCU: Yes, go sulk in your misery Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: *mutters* Annoying little pixie...**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Thanks Alice. I owe you.**

**ICanCU: You do. Tomorrow we go shopping.**

**MsFallsAlot: But I have plans!**

**ICanCU: You had plans, now you have new plans. *giggles***

**MsFallsAlot: *grumbles* Annoying little pixie...**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: *waits***

**OffTheLeash: Hello? Bella, you on?**

**ICanCU: You aren't Jazzy...**

**OffTheLeash: And you aren't Bella... wait are you?**

**ICanCU: *grins evilly* DUH! Hey... you...**

**OffTheLeash: Oh! Hey, Bells... what's up with the s/n?**

**ICanCU: I can...see really well. I just went to the eye docter today. He said I had 20/20 vision.**

**OffTheLeash: Cool. So you still coming to the bonfire tomorrow?**

**ICanCU: Bonfire? Where?**

**OffTheLeash: La Push... remember? I'm bringing my friends...**

**ICanCU: Oh yeah, totally wouldn't miss it for the world.**

**OffTheLeash: Alright, I'll see you, Bells.**

**ICanCU: Yeah, later... you.**

**OffTheLeash has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: OH EDWARD!!! **

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**


	2. I Feel Unclean

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I wish I did. :)**

**Please review, thanks to everybody who did.**

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**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

* * *

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeekxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Hey, Alice.**

**ICanCU: Hi, Jasper!**

**IxFeelxYou: So what did you do today?**

**ICanCU: Well.... I talked to Edward and told him that Bella was planing to go to La Push, you know where the treaty line is that we can't pass, so anyways Edward starts freaking out and wallowing in his misery and stuff so I came up with the most brilliant plan ever to take Bella shopping except when I get there Bella's GONE! Can you believe that? I couldn't! So I try to cover for her although I was extremely mad at her, but what can I say Edward's nosy, I really don't see what Bella sees in him... so anyways, Edward finds out and OMG! All hell breaks loose... it was like that time Emmett and Rosalie started having-**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: MEOW!**

**ICanCU: -a pudding contest in the kitchen and made that HUGE mess! Do you remember how mad Esme was!?**

**HearMeRoar: Haha, good times.**

**ICanCU: Jasper? JASPER!?**

**HearMeRoar: He's asleep on his laptop.**

**ICanCU: Vampires can't sleep.**

**HearMeRoar: Either than or you bored him to death... literally.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Allllllll by myseeeeeeeeeelf, don't wanna be allllllllll by myseeeeeeeeeeeeeelf...**

**IxFeelxYou: AH! I'm sorry! Alice! Quit hitting me! Please! I'll buy you anything! No! Not that! Wait! Alice!**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: You feel me? *gasp* I feel so unclean... I need a shower.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

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**Please review! Tell me what you think!**

**I can update soon if you guys want too.**

**Thanks! :)**

**PS: Sorry it's so short!**

**PSS: All by myself is a random outburst, not sure if it's a song or not..**


	3. I Have A Paper Due

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Except this sock. :(**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**(This chapter might suck, I had a good chapter written and then my computer shut down... hence good chapter bu-byes.)**

**Also for those who didn't understand the first chapter... Alice was acting like Bella (using her screen name making it out like it was Bella's w/ Jacob) to get information, which she told Edward. Are you all that surprised? It is Alice...**

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**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**Dr. Shizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

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**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt: Ew, it's the human.**

**MsFallsAlot: Whatever, Rosalie. Don't make me rip out those fake hair extensions.**

**SoHawt: Ha! This is ALL real! Anyways, Alice why did call us here? I was busy.**

**HearMeRoar: Yeah! We were busy!**

**DoIDazzleU: MENTAL PICTURES! MENTAL PICTURES!**

**IxFeelxYou: I hear you, you should feel the lust coming off these two, it's sickening.**

**DoIDazzleU: I know, I can read your mind, remember Jazz?**

**HearMeRoar: Your just jealous, Eddie.**

**DoIDazzleU: I am NOT jealous! And DON'T call me Eddie!**

**MsFallsAlot: Jealous of what?**

**DoIDazzleU: He thinks I'm jealous of.... of.... his tap dancing skills!**

**MsFallsAlot: Tap dancing? Vampires tap dance?**

**HearMeRoar: It's got something to do with tap dancing... *grin***

**DoIDazzleU: Yes, they... *cring* dance all the time.**

**ICanCU: ANYWAY! Back to the whole reason we even are in the chatroom... I brought you all here so we can gang up on Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: Whaaat?**

**ICanCU: You went to La Push. Alone.**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes, Bella! What's this about!?**

**IxFeelxYou: Do you feel the guilt, Bella? Would you like to feel more!?**

**HearMeRoar: Yeah! Why did you go over there!?**

**SoHawt: Are you trying to be stupid!? *laughs* You wouldn't have to try very hard now would you?**

**DoIDazzleU: *growls* Your one to talk, Rose.**

**SoHawt: EXCUSE ME!?**

**ICanCU: Hey, hey! Your suppose to be yelling at Bella! Not each other!**

**SoHawt: *scoffs* I don't even like Bella. I'm leaving. Oh Emmett? *winks***

**HearMeRoar: You don't have to ask me twice! *grins***

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: MENTAL PICTURES BURNING MY BRAIN! IT STINGS, IT STINGS!**

**IxFeelxYou: THE LUST! OH I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK!**

**MsFallsAlot: Okay... well I think I'm going to go now... you guys have fun with burning and stuff...**

**DoIDazzleU: Wait Bella! Why did you go there!? Please just tell me!**

**MsFallsAlot: I have friends over there. I like going over there. It's fun.**

**IxFeelxYou: I do feel fun. I feel excitement!**

**DoIDazzleU: Shut up, Jasper.**

**IxFeelxYou: Now I feel anger and jealousy. God, your such a kill joy, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: SHUT UP, JASPER!**

**IxFeelxYou: Shutting.**

**ICanCU: I see her coming back from the line. She looks happier.**

**MsFallsAlot: Thank you, Alice.**

**ICanCU: She seems to be fine. No scratches.**

**MsFallsAlot: Thank you, Alice. **

**ICanCU: I faintly see a car with a guy in it. Maybe she's having an affair.**

**MsFallsAlot: NO! ALICE!?**

**DoIDazzleU: I understand, Bella. I mean I was in an affair once too.**

**ICanCU: Um... Edward? She's not in an affair, I just looked again.**

**MsFallsAlot: You were in an affair!? With who!?**

**DoIDazzleU: Actually, Bella I have a paper due tomorrow. I love you, goodnight.**

**MsFallsAlot: Wait! Your not coming over?**

**DoIDazzleU: Paper... sorry, love.**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: There's no paper due tomorrow. Why didn't he want to tell me?**

**ICanCU: I have no clue. No clue whatsoever.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hmmm, I think I know you know what I'm not suppose to know, Alice. What do you want in exchange for the information?**

**ICanCU: I want to dress you up and take you shopping.**

**MsFallsAlot: *groans* Alice...**

**ICanCU: Or you can forever wonder who that person or those people were in Edward's life...**

**MsFallsAlot: Fine...**

**ICanCU: *squeals in delight* Ok! I'll pick you up tomorrow after school!**

**MsFallsAlot: WAIT! The information!**

**ICanCU: Very heavy stuff, Bella. I must tell you in a secret place...**

**MsFallsAlot: McDonalds?**

**ICanCU: Yes!**

**MsFallsAlot: Bye, Alice.**

**ICanCU: Goodnight, Bella!**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Can I talk now? Hello?**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

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**Review, please!**

**Thanks for you guys who read my chapters!**

**The next chapter is in the making...**

**:)**

**-Sam**


	4. Way To Insult

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except this sock and my dog.**

**Reviews are always appreciated... let me know what you think.**

**(I mean HELLOOOO it's the whole point of the writing thing)**

**Without further ado, here's number four for you!**

**:)**

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**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

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**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello everybody.**

**IxFeelxYou: Hey, Edward, Emmett, Carslie.**

**HearMeRoar: HEY GUYS!**

**DrShizzle: Yo.**

**DoIDazzleU: Um, Dad? What the fudge is going on with the name?**

**DrShizzle: I'm trying to get down with my bad self.**

**HearMeRoar: HAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**IxFeelxYou: ROFL!**

**DoIDazzleU: LMAO!**

**DrShizzle: Those aren't words...**

**IxFeelxYou: No, they're texting terms, Carslie.**

**DoIDazzleU: Would you like me to clarify, Dad?**

**HearMeRoar: I will, Ed. We just made fun of you, Carslie.**

**DrShizzle: Oh... I guess I just have to understand that I'm over 300 ****years old... I'm not the coolest thing... *sigh***

**IxFeelxYou: Way to go, Emmett.**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes, way to go, smart one.**

**HearMeRoar: I'll make it better, gosh! I'll BRB.**

**DrShizzle: He'll bring red bears?**

**IxFeelxYou: No, it means he'll be right back.**

**DrShizzle: Oh...**

**RUMyMommy has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: What is it Emmett, what did you want me to do?**

**HearMeRoar: Tell Dad how cool you think he is...**

**RUMyMommy: Honey, I think your the coolest thing since sliced bread.**

**DrShizzle: Thanks, Esme! I love you!**

**RUMyMommy: I love you too, Carl!**

**RUMyMommy has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Carl?**

**DrShizzle: Yes, that's my pet name...**

**HearMeRoar: HAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**IxFeelxYou: ROFL!**

**DoIDazzleU: LMAO!**

**DrShizzle: Yeah like yours is any better... Emmy.**

**IxFeelxYou: ROFL! MY HEAD'S GOING TO EXPLODE FROM LAUGHTER!**

**DoIDazzleU: OMG! OMG! LMAO!**

**HearMeRoar: Yeah, whatever you losers.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: HAHAHA!**

**DoIDazzleU: Way to insult, Carlisle!**

**DrShizzle: Thank you... Eddie-kins!**

**IxFeelxYou: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IF I HAD A SPLEEN IT ****WOULD HAVE EXPLODED BY NOW!**

**DrShizzle: Heh! Scooooore!**

**DoIDazzleU: Excuse me, I need to have a talk with Bella.**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: HAHAHA! DAD YOUR ON FIRE!**

**DrShizzle: I know! Thanks... Jazzy-poo!**

**DrShizzle: HAHAHAHA! OH! HAHAHA!**

**IxFeelxYou: Yeah, I got to go fight off some Union soldiers in Call of Duty, bye...**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: I am bad. B-b-b-bad, bad to the bone.**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Sorry it took forever to update, guys.**

**I felt uninspired and I'm working on a new story "Visions"**

**I don't know if I'll keep doing the Cullen IM or not.**


	5. The Coast Is Clear

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything else mentioned below.**

**Thanks guys for those who reviewed!**

**I've decided to continue with the Cullen IM.**

**:)**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hey Jake.**

**OffTheLeash: Hey Bells, you coming down to La Push soon?**

**MsFallsAlot: Can't. Edward won't let me out of his sight.**

**OffTheLeash: Over protective bloodsucker...**

**MsFallsAlot: No worries, maybe I can sneak away later.**

**OffTheLeash: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Sorry, Bella. I saw.**

**MsFallsAlot: Damn you, Alice.**

**DoIDazzleU: Sorry pup, looks like you'll have to go play with your friends.**

**MsFallsAlot: *giggles* Play with friends. Is that even legal?**

**ICanCU: Eww, that's just unsanitary. It's like Rose and Emmett.**

**OffTheLeash: Why don't you come over here and I'll punch the hell out of you, Edward?**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm not scared of some puppy, I'll I have to do is throw a stick and give you a belly rub.**

**OffTheLeash: What? Too scared to come to La Push?**

**DoIDazzleU: I'll La Push you off a cliff.**

**ICanCU: Not funny, been used to many times.**

**MsFallsAlot: Yeah, better luck next time.**

**OffTheLeash: Bells who do you love more?**

**MsFallsAlot: .... ALICE!**

**ICanCU: Yes! I win! I win!**

**DoIDazzleU: I should have known that something was up, nobody plays dress up that much.**

**OffTheLeash: Wait... Bella bats for the other team?**

**DoIDazzleU: It appears so.**

**OffTheLeash: She spent to much time with you, it must have rubbed off.**

**DoIDazzleU: Like you haven't experimented!**

**OffTheLeash: IT WAS ONE TIME! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!**

**DoIDazzleU: Embry and Jake sitting in a tree...**

**OffTheLeash: STOP IT! You and Jasper! What's that about!?**

**DoIDazzleU: He understands my pain. Wait where did Bella go?**

**MsFallsAlot (Alice typing): ... Hi, it's me, Alice. Uh, I came over to... play dress up with Bella.**

**DoIDazzleU: Please Bella! Don't ignore what we have! Please!**

**OffTheLeash: Edward have a little dignity.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh and what do you suggest?**

**OffTheLeash: Bella is this for real or are you experimenting?**

**MsFallsAlot (Bella typing): Uh, I said I loved Alice, I meant it in the sisterly sense.**

**DoIDazzleU: What a relief! Phew!**

**OffTheLeash: See, nothing to worry about. Nobody took it the wrong way except us.**

**MsFallsAlot (Alice typing): What the hell!? I thought we had something special, Bella?**

**MsFallsAlot (Bella typing): I'm sorry, Alice. I love you like a sister.**

**MsFallsAlot (Alice typing): What about our kiss!? I kissed you before even Edward did!**

**DoIDazzleU: *goes into vampire shock***

**OffTheLeash: This is even funnier than Jerry Springer.**

**MsFallsAlot (Bella typing): It was a cheek kiss Alice! And you gave it to me! And that was in the movie, not in the book!**

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of shock* Yeah, Alice and everyone knows the book is better than the movie.**

**MsFallsAlot (Alice typing): I'm leaving, and you better have not touched my glitter nail polish, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: *examining glittering nails* *hides hands behind back* Nope, I never do.**

**MsFallsAlot (Bella typing): Alice left, I hope she'll still want to be my friend.**

**OffTheLeash: I have to go chase my tail, later. *winks* Bye, Bells.**

**MsFallsAlot: Bye, Jake.**

**DoIDazzleU: *growls* Now I have to compete with Jacob and Alice?**

**MsFallsAlot: Not Alice. *hums I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry***

**DoIDazzleU: I'm coming over.**

**MsFallsAlot: NO! I mean, no I'm busy.**

**DoIDazzleU: Alright, well I'll see you tomorrow.**

**MsFallsAlot: Goodnight, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: Goodnight, Bella.**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: The coast is clear, Alice! **

**ICanCU: Our plan worked!**

**MsFallsAlot: Like a charm.**

**ICanCU: I'm coming over!**

**MsFallsAlot: I'll be waiting.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

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***Gasp* Bella and Alice have a thing?**

**What happened to Edward and Jacob?**

**Don't hate!**

**You'll find out next chapter what exactly is going on.**

**Review please!**

**-Sam**


	6. Denial

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, except these jokes and screen names!**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carslie**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Hey, Alice!**

**ICanCU: Hello, Jasper. Hi, Bella. *seductive wink***

**MsFallsAlot: *coughs hiding discomfort* Eh, hi there.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello, love.**

**HearMeRoar: MEOW!**

**SoHawt: What the fudge?**

**IxFeelxYou: Alice where were you last night, honey? **

**ICanCU: Shopping.**

**IxFeelxYou: Alice you've got a shopping addiction...**

**ICanCU: No I don't.**

**HearMeRoar: Denial!**

**ICanCU: Shut up, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: I'd prefer to go by Mr. Whiskers for the rest of the day.**

**DoIDazzleU: Okay... So anyways, Bella I called last night, you never called back.**

**MsFallsAlot: You called?**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes, I left a message with Charlie too.**

**MsFallsAlot: He never said anything to me. *coughs* Must have forgotten.**

**HearMeRoar: MEOW! MILK PLEASE!**

**SoHawt: Emmett-**

**HearMeRoar: Mr. Whiskers.**

**SoHawt: -your not a cat.**

**HearMeRoar: I CAN DREAM, DAMMIT!**

**DoIDazzleU: Don't argue with him, Rose. He's dead set on being a cat.**

**SoHawt: *huffs* Fine.**

**ICanCU: So Bella, maybe we could go... shopping later. *wink, wink***

**IxFeelxYou: Alright, who's feeling lusty up in here?**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes and who's imagining Bella naked? ...Emmett?**

**SoHawt: Emmett!? Really!? Bella of all people!?**

**HearMeRoar: Mr. Whiskers! I'm not answering to Emmett.**

**DoIDazzleU: Sorry, *eyes roll* Mr. Whiskers are you imagining Bella naked?**

**HearMeRoar: Not me, bro. I got someone spicier than Bella, if you know what I mean. *suggestive grin* No offense intended Bella, I just don't prefer shy girls.**

**MsFallsAlot: No problem, Emmett. I don't prefer guys who act like animals.**

**ICanCU: What about girls? Do you prefer animalistic girls?**

**IxFeelxYou: Where the hell is this lust coming from?**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm actually kind of tired today, I think I'm going to just go hide in my closet or something.**

**ICanCU: When will you come out of the closet?**

**HearMeRoar: Hehe, nice joke, Alice. **

**ICanCU: I'm not joking... *gives a seductive smile at Bella's screen name***

**IxFeelxYou: Emmett are you the one with the lust?**

**HearMeRoar: WHY DOES EVERYONE BLAME ME!? DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!**

**DoIDazzleU: It's too late for that...**

**HearMeRoar: Oh shut up, you old virgin!**

**ICanCU: Exactly, Bella do you really want an OLD virgin? How about an experienced animalistic girl?**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: *vampire shock***

**SoHawt: I better go make sure he's okay.**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of vampire shock* *sniffles* That was so hurtful.**

**IxFeelxYou: *rubs back* It's okay.**

**MsFallsAlot: Alice I'd appreciate some space.**

**ICanCU: SPACE!? Bella, I love you! I can't give you space! I must smother you!**

**MsFallsAlot: ALICE!**

**DoIDazzleU: What the french toast!?**

**IxFeelxYou: You lint lickers!**

**ICanCU: Cootie queen!**

**MsFallsAlot: Alice, I'm sorry. I like Edward. You want to know why? Because even his nails sparkle, not just his skin!**

**DoIDazzleU: *admiring freshly painted sparkling nails* Oh crap!**

**ICanCU: EDWARD CULLEN! MY NAIL POLISH!**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: You can have Alice back. She's got some weird fetishes.**

**IxFeelxYou: Which one? Licking whip cream off her-**

**MsFallsAlot: *shudders* Yeah that one.**

**IxFeelxYou: -shoe. I think it's hot.**

**MsFallsAlot: The more power to you.**

**IxFeelxYou: I can't believe you and Alice...**

**MsFallsAlot: I can't believe you and Edward...**

**IxFeelxYou: I couldn't help it... I was entised by his hair.**

**MsFallsAlot: *gasp* ME TOO! Don't tell him though, I said I liked that he wasn't a monster vampire, so if he asks, that's what I like.**

**IxFeelxYou: Right.**

**MsFallsAlot: He's mine, you do realize that right?**

**IxFeelxYou: As Alice is mine.**

**MsFallsAlot: Deal.**

**IxFeelxYou: Deal.**

**MsFallsAlot: I feel like we need to seal the deal...**

**IxFeelxYou: What we meet in person and shake on it?**

**MsFallsAlot: We could kiss on it.**

**IxFeelxYou: What!?**

**MsFallsAlot: Nothing.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: ....**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

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**Enjoyed? Un-enjoyed?**

**Review please!**

**And remember reviews = updates!**

**:)**

**-Sam**


	7. Emmett Is A Baby Daddy

**Disclaimer: Say it, Samantha.**

**Me: No.**

**Disclaimer: Say it or else you don't get to post.**

**Me: *pouts* Fine, I do not own Twilight.**

**Disclaimer: See this wasn't so hard.**

**Me: It is when you have to write it for the seventh time.**

**Reviews are always appreciated!**

**:)**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

* * *

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: Hey, shawty.**

**RUMyMommy: Um, hi?**

**DrShizzle: What it do?**

**RUMyMommy: It's does what it does?**

**DrShizzle: That's wack.**

**RUMyMommy: Hold on one minute. *grabs Edward***

**RUMyMommy (Edward typing): Hi, Dad. Mom wants me to translate.**

**DrShizzle: Do yo thang.**

**RUMyMommy (Edward typing): Basically so far he's said hello... asked you how you were... said he couldn't understand what you were saying... and told me to translate.**

**RUMyMommy (Esme typing): Oh! Hello honey, my day's been rough today. The children are acting their "pretend" age rather than their acutally age.**

**DrShizzle: Pimp slap 'em. Show 'em who yo representin'.**

**RUMyMommy (Edward typing): He's telling you to smack us and show us who's boss.**

**RUMyMommy (Esme typing): I would never lay a hand on our children, Carl. Plus I guess it's not that bad. The worst of it is that Emmett adopted a baby.**

**DrShizzle: YO! Emmett's a baby daddy!?**

**RUMyMommy (Edward typing): He's asking if Emmett's a father.**

**RUMyMommy (Esme typing): Oh no! Nothing like that. He just adopted a baby for Rosalie, I guess it was a gift. No worries though, in the end he ended up eating the poor thing.**

**DrShizzle: What!? That is wack! We gonna have the popo up in our home!**

**RUMyMommy (Edward typing): He's furious. He's worried about the police.**

**RUMyMommy (Esme typing): Don't worry, honey. Emmett adopted the baby under a fake name "Mr. Emmy M. Whiskers". They won't even connect the baby to us. It's a shame though, the baby was cute. Really all you have to worry about is Edward and Alice, they fought over nail polish and mates.**

**DrShizzle: Edward's sparkly, but Alice was suppose to be my homie...**

**RUMyMommy (Edward typing): He said he always knew I was gay, he just didn't expect Alice to be.**

**RUMyMommy (Esme typing): I think it's over now though. Alice has her nail polish and Jasper and Edward has sparkly nails and Bella. It's a win/win situation really.**

**DrShizzle: Shoo-wee!**

**RUMyMommy (Edward typing): Wow.**

**RUMyMommy (Esme typing): Yeah, well I'll let you go back to work. I love you, Carls.**

**DrShizzle: Peace, my home girl.**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Sorry if I offended anyone!**

**Also sorry that it's short, I want to use Carlisle and Esme because I hadn't used them in awhile.**

**:)**

**Reviews = updates. Updates = reader's happiness. Reader's happiness = reviews.**

**That's right people it's a freaking circle!**

**-Sam**


	8. Jacob Caught His Tail

**Disclaimer: Sam...**

**Me: Please, disclaimer! They know already!**

**Disclaimer: *taps foot***

**Me: *sighs* I don't own Twilight.**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Me, Samantha.**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash has entered the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: Hey Bells.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hey, Jake. Done chasing your tail?**

**OffTheLeash: Yeah, I finally got it. And after you catch your tail it gets kind of boring. *grins* Wanna come over and give me a belly rub?**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh gross, Jake.**

**OffTheLeash: Whaaat!? I just want a belly rub and some Kibble n' Bits.**

**SoHawt: Double eww. It's the human and the dog.**

**ICanCU: Shut up, Rose. Bella's a person who has feelings.**

**MsFallsAlot: Thank you, Alice.**

**ICanCU: She deserves respect and nothing less.**

**MsFallsAlot: Thank you, Alice.**

**SoHawt: I think I know where this is going... déjà vu.**

**ICanCU: Just don't be surprised if she lets you kiss her cheek then rips your heart out.**

**MsFallsAlot: Alice...**

**OffTheLeash: So how about that belly rub, Bells?**

**ICanCU: Did you read anything I just wrote Jacob Black!? She rips out hearts then serves them on silver platters.**

**SoHawt: She can't afford silver, Alice.**

**MsFallsAlot: Haters make me famous! *sings Took the Night by Chelly***

**OffTheLeash: Actually I just ignore whatever you leeches write and just read what Bella writes. I'm not obsessed or anything though...**

**ICanCU: Well it would be smart to read what we write... especially when were talking about Bella Swan the Heart breaker.**

**MsFallsAlot: It's all insulting, Jacob. There's no point in reading it. *glares at Alice***

**ICanCU: *glares back***

**SoHawt: Oooo glaring contest!**

**OffTheLeash: *whines* Bella! Pay attention to my whining. *remembers something* Hey, I thought Alice was your best friend.**

**MsFallsAlot: Was, now all she does is make fun of me, she's like Rose's clone.**

**SoHawt: *looks at Alice approvingly* With a blond wig and some very high shoes you could pass.**

**ICanCU: Are you making fun of my height?**

**SoHawt: Your short, what can I say...**

**ICanCU: I'm not short. I'm fun sized.**

**OffTheLeash: I have a strong urge to say "That's what he said", but I won't because I'm trying to impress Bella by being mature and studly.**

**SoHawt: Studly!? Really dog, studly!?**

**OffTheLeash *sticks tongue out***

**SoHawt: Gross... put that back where it belongs.**

**OffTheLeash: *fighting with urge to say "That's what she said"***

**ICanCU: *ignores Jacob* Bella, I want to be your friend, but you've hurt me so emotionally that I don't know what to do.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hurt emotionally, you say? This looks like a job for.... *theme music* Jasper the Emotion Man!**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: What the heck!? I was playing Call of Duty then all of a sudden I'm pulled to a laptop. *shudders* It was so creepy.**

**ICanCU: *dry sobs* Oh Jasper! I'm so emotionally unstable!**

**MsFallsAlot: Damn straight. Help her, Jasper!**

**IxFeelxYou: *makes Alice calm***

**ICanCU: *sighs in content* Thank you, Jazzy-poo.**

**IxFeelxYou: Uh, your welcome. Bye, everybody.**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: Bells you can always leave those dark-sided vamps and come to the wolf side.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**SoHawt: *ignores Edward* Yes go to the wolves, you'd get along well.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella! Stay with me! I love you! I don't know how I'll deal without listening to your talking while you sleep.**

**OffTheLeash: *also ignores Edward* Why thank you, Blondie. But why are you helping me?**

**SoHawt: *ignores Jacob* You'd fit perfectly with them Bella. Running in circles, chewing bones, and fetching sticks. Your stupid enough to pass.**

**MsFallsAlot: *ignores Rose* *grumbles* There's a lot of ignoring going on.**

**OffTheLeash: *growls* Even if that's right, it's still stereotypical and mean, Rose. Bella they're DARK-SIDED!**

**SoHawt: *scoff* You got that off Wife Swap...**

**ICanCU: I LOVE THAT SHOW!**

**MsFallsAlot: I LOVE IT TOO!**

**ICanCU: Let's be friends again!**

**MsFallsAlot: OK! Let's go watch Wife Swap!**

**ICanCU: *forgets grudge against Bella* Yay! *claps***

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Bye Jake. Bye Rosalie. Bye Edward.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Why was I listed last? *pours water down face to make it look like he's crying***

**OffTheLeash: And just like that they're friends again!? Samantha! What's your problem!?**

**SuPaStArSaM has entered the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Listen here Jake, I'm only going to say it once, THIS IS MY FANFIC AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!**

**OffTheLeash: But that sucked major-**

**OffTheLeash has experienced technical difficulties and has left the chatroom.**

**SoHawt: *shaking in fear***

**DoIDazzleU: *continues to pour water down face* *water gets in mouth* *chokes and gags* Ick. Ick. Ick. Ew.**

**SoHawt: E-E-E-E-Edward. L-L-L-Look what happened t-t-to the d-dog.**

**DoIDazzleU: Not now, Rose. I'm wallowing in my misery. Maybe later I'll write a song about this.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Now... do you have a problem with my plot, Rosalie?**

**SoHawt: *shakes head furiously***

**SuPaStArSaM: Good. Now go brush your hair.**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: MWA HA HA HA!**

**SuPaStArSaM has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I've got it! My song for Bella will be called "My Dear Bella Has Been Influenced to Hang Out With Wolves and I Am Overprotective and Possessive and Want Her All To Myself So I Am Writing Her This Song To Dazzle Her", but it will be known to the others as "Bella's Lullaby". *evil laughter***

**DoIDazzleU: Where did everybody go? Oh well, I've got a song to compose! To the writing lair!**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**I wanted to make up for the short chapter I published for you guys last time.**

**Please accept my peace offering.**

**Oh and of course, tell me how much you love it by reviewing!**

**:)**

**-Sam**


	9. Toothpaste Smile

**Disclaimer: Alright, because Samantha has given up all hope on wishing for Stephanie Meyer to somehow be her mother whom gave her away at birth and suddenly die leaving all the Twilight fame in her hands, she's in an intervention and has came to realize Twilight does not belong to her.**

**Reviews/Favs/Alerts are all appreciated!**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hi, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello, love.**

**MsFallsAlot: So what did you do yesterday? I ended up walking into a few walls myself.**

**DoIDazzleU: Nothing of importance, I played my piano mostly.**

**MsFallsAlot: Do you do that a lot?**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes, I play the piano and brood about everything and anything.**

**MsFallsAlot: Guys who brood about things are HOT! What can I say Doom and Gloom is my thing...**

**DoIDazzleU: *toothpaste smile* I'm melodramatic.**

**MsFallsAlot: *swoons over Edward* Ohhhh yeaaah.**

**OffTheLeash has entered the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: BEEEELLLLLAAAA! OMG! OMG! OMG! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! THANK YOU, SAMANTHA! THANK YOU, I KNOW YOU WERE CONTEMPLATING MY DEATH BUT I APPRECIATE MY PART AND WILL TOTALLY WILL COMMIT TO IT!**

**SuPaStArSaM has entered the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: *slight nod* Don't mess with me though Jacob Black. One more time and then I'm writing a nice little chapter about your death.**

**OffTheLeash: *shivers* I understand.**

**  
SuPaStArSaM has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: *stops swooning* Jacob?**

**OffTheLeash: Hey, Bells! Wanna come over? We could go cliff-driving! Or we could ride our motorcycles! Or we could make out! Or we could eat whip cream off each other!**

**DoIDazzleU: MENTAL PICTURES! .... Well these aren't that bad really... if I just replace Jacob's face with mine....**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh poor Jacob, you've deluded yourself into loving me. Honestly Jacob, I didn't like our kiss. Your too hot and heavy for me. I need something cold and light. Mmmm Eddie-kins.**

**OffTheLeash: .... I love you, Bells.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: I should change my name to ICantCU, because now I can't. Bella one minute I see you and Edward making out and then the next it all disappears. What is going on!? I was watching Wife Swap...**

**MsFallsAlot: .... You love me?**

**DoIDazzleU: I said I loved you first, Bella. *dazzles Bella* Choose me, you'll be damned to Hell, but hey you'll be damn sexy too.**

**OffTheLeash: I'll be healthy for you, Bella. Choose me, you can have warmth in your life.**

**ICanCU: HAHAHAHAHAHA! WARMTH IN YOUR LIFE!? WHAT THE FUDGE!? LOL!**

**MsFallsAlot: *sighs* Decisions, decisions. If I choose Edward I get the miserable vampire that broods which to me is HOT-**

**DoIDazzleU: I wrote you a song yesterday, Bella's lullaby. Maybe I can play it for you sometime. *toothpaste smile***

**ICanCU: Eeeew. Toothpaste.**

**OffTheLeash: Yum, plastic! Plastic is chewy! Yay chewiness! *chews on toothpaste tube while waiting for Bella's answer***

**MsFallsAlot: -but if I choose Jacob I can make eggs without an oven, just put them on his forehead... but then I'll have to walk him like four times a day and feed him... and clean up after him... *shudders***

**ICanCU: Don't forget that if you pick Jacob you kind of look like a pedophile... with Edward... you won't have.... well.... you know what never mind...**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm potty-trained! Pick me!**

**OffTheLeash: Honestly Bella, I haven't messed on the carpet in a month!**

**MsFallsAlot: Give me some time on this, because I'm a tease I need to make you both suffer and make out with both of you so that when the time comes to choose who I'm with the loser will be broken beyond repair...**

**DoIDazzleU: That sounds fair.**

**OffTheLeash: I love you, I'll do anything for you.**

**ICanCU: This is pathetic.**

**MsFallsAlot: Bye, everyone.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: I soooo want to tap that.**

**ICanCU: I have tapped that.**

**DoIDazzleU: *wallows in pit of despair* I may never tap that.... does anyone have a glass of water?**

**OffTheLeash: I have a bowl of water...**

**DoIDazzleU: Do I have permission to come and get it?**

**OffTheLeash: No! You have thumbs! Go get it yourself.**

**DoIDazzleU: ... You have thumbs too...**

**OffTheLeash: Only in human form... jerk.**

**OffTheLeash has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: *reads Breaking Dawn* Hmm... what do you know, you do tap Bella. Way to go, Virgin Eddie. *continues to read, not blocking thoughts***

**DoIDazzleU: What was that about the Loch Ness Monster?**

**ICanCU: *burns Breaking Dawn* I'M GOING TO IRELAND! *mutters quietly* The future must not change, for if it does... I'm screwed because there's only four books...**

**DoIDazzleU: What was that Alice? I thought I heard something in your bedroom...**

**ICanCU: *gasp* You listen in on what's going on in my bedroom!?**

**DoIDazzleU: No, Alice! You don't-**

**ICanCU: I think I do... your a perverted jerk!**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Hey! Join the club, Eddie!**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm not a pervert... and STOP CALLING ME EDDIE!**

**HearMeRoar: Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie Eddie-**

**DoIDazzleU: I GET IT! ENOUGH!**

**HearMeRoar: -Eddie. There done, out of my system.**

**DoIDazzleU: Good. I'm glad that's-**

**HearMeRoar: Eddie.**

**DoIDazzleU: -Not over... So Emmett why did you decided to come and make my life hell?**

**HearMeRoar: I was bored... and Rosalie isn't around, so I didn't get what to do.... Get it? Do... like in-**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes, Emmett. I get it. Your thoughts helped me out a lot too.**

**HearMeRoar: -Gosh, are you in kill-joy mode or something?**

**DoIDazzleU: It was the way I was written, but I just pass it off as being worried. Maybe it's male PMS.**

**HearMeRoar: Okay... Guess what! Esme said I was special today!**

**DoIDazzleU: *thinks about Bella* Bella's pretty special herself.**

**HearMeRoar: I'm special-er!**

**DoIDazzleU: No, she's the special-er-ist... she really is something...**

**HearMeRoar: Wait are you talking about special as in wonderful and amazing or as in "Special K"?**

**DoIDazzleU: Definately... Special K.**

**HearMeRoar: *laughs* Yeah she really is...**

**DoIDazzleU: Well I have to go stalk her tonight.**

**HearMeRoar: Have fun! And don't do anything I wouldn't do!**

**DoIDazzleU: *chuckles* Well that gives me a lot of leverage...**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: What's that suppose to mean?**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Special K is referring to "retard".**

**:)**

**I'm a jerk/bitch/punk... I get it... I'll burn in Hell for this.**

**No need to state the obvious my fannies.**

**I'll still love you anyways (not in the perverted way)**

**-Sam**


	10. How Are You Feeling

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, just the plots. Just the damn plots. *sobs***

**Reviews are appreciated.**

**Wow, this update was quick.**

**Not saying I'm Mother Teresa or anything, but...**

**I'm pretty damn close. :)**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me.**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: What is going on?**

**ICanCU: I don't know. I can't see! I can't see!**

**HearMeRoar: Haha, Alice is the new Helen Keller!**

**IxFeelxYou: She said she couldn't see, not that she couldn't hear or speak, dumbass.**

**HearMeRoar: *glares* Whatever, Jazzy-poo.**

**IxFeelxYou: You are NOT bringing that up again!**

**RUMyMommy: Children, please.**

**SoHawt: I'm not a child! I'm.... damn. The book never mentions how old I am.**

**DrShizzle: Listen to your mother, Rosalie.**

**SoHawt: She's just jealous because I'm a hottie and she's a nottie.**

**RUMyMommy: *gasp* *hides notebooks full of self-hatred poetry***

**DrShizzle: ROSE! YOUR OUT OF LINE!**

**SoHawt: ADMIT IT, CARLISLE! YOU WANT TO TAP THIS!**

**HearMeRoar: C'mon Dad, I mean who doesn't want to tap that?**

**IxFeelxYou: *raises hand***

**ICanCU: *raises hand***

**DoIDazzleU: *raises hand***

**RUMyMommy: *raises hand***

**DrShizzle: See? Not everyone wants to do your Rose.**

**HearMeRoar: I can explain why they don't though. Jasper and Edward, I'm pretty sure had an affair, so they're recovering gays, Alice has just gotten over her affair with Bella, and Esme... well Esme's jealous of Rose's spectacular body.**

**DrShizzle: Wait... did Bella raise her hand?**

**MsFallsAlot: Rose is HAWT!**

**DoIDazzleU: *vampire shock***

**SoHawt: Ewww, the human likes me. *shrugs* Who wouldn't though...? I am me.**

**MsFallsAlot: Mmmm. She's feisty, I like a challenge.**

**HearMeRoar: *eyes widen* My Rose.**

**MsFallsAlot: *licks lips* Roses are red. Violets are blue. I don't give up. I want you.**

**ICanCU: *gasp* She's a TRACKER!**

**IxFeelxYou: You mean...!?**

**ICanCU: *nods sadly* GPS.**

**DrShizzle: Edward... are you okay?**

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of vampire shock* *grabs Coke bottle and pours down face* Why! WHY! WHHHY!**

**RUMyMommy: *sighs* I better clean that up before it stains the carpet.**

**RUMyMommy has left the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: Happy thoughts, Edward. Family. Friends. Alice and Bella... uh I mean... Rose and Bella.... uh I mean bunnies?**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: Oh no. I better go try to help him.**

**ICanCU: *glares* You only ruin it, Carlisle. I'll go talk to him.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Bella, Rosie is all mine.**

**MsFallsAlot: Shut up, you male.**

**HearMeRoar: Male? Is that suppose to be a threat...?**

**MsFallsAlot: *ignores Emmett* So if you ever want to... *suggestive wink* you know, I'm free. Plus I've got experience. **

**SoHawt: *shudders* No thanks. *rolls eyes* Emmett? *winks***

**HearMeRoar: Oooooh yeah. I'm so getting laid.**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm going to videotape that..... so I can make money off of it.... sex tapes.... big money.... later!**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: I was worried there for a minute, I thought she was going to tape it for her own enjoyment, but then when she said selling it for money I decided it was cool.**

**IxFeelxYou: Yeah, way to play the cool dad.**

**DrShizzle: So how are you feeling?**

**IxFeelxYou: F*ck you.**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: What did I say? .... Oh. How ironic.**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**So how'd you like?**

**Language wasn't the best if we're on the same page, but hey I'm me, get over it.**

**What else can I say... oh yeah!**

**Information about my story(ies) is on my profile, look for the little ~.**

**I can't believe I'm posting the tenth chapter!**

**Thank you so much, everybody.**

**Anybody who reads my stories or reviews, just thank you.**

**Oh and before I forget! There's a poll on my profile relating to this story! Please vote!**

**:)**

**-Sam**


	11. Narnia Is In My Closet

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Reviews are appreciated.**

**Poll on profile relating to this story, please vote.**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me.**

* * *

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello Alice and Jasper.**

**ICanCU: Hi, Edward.**

**IxFeelxYou: *respective nod* Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: I have something to confess. *sighs***

**ICanCU: Hold that thought. *runs to get Emmett***

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Did I miss it!? Did he come out of the closet yet!?**

**ICanCU: No, your just in time! *grabs popcorn, munches on it* *spits out* Eww.**

**DoIDazzleU: ... Um I was going to say that I feel like me and Bella are growing apart.**

**HearMeRoar: *rolls eyes* I came online for this?**

**ICanCU: *throws down popcorn* What a waste of my time! I could have told you that Edward!**

**HearMeRoar: Seriously! She's got a major lesbian crush on my Rosie! **

**DoIDazzleU: *closes eyes* No, it's not true!**

**IxFeelxYou: Like hell it isn't. I can feel what she feels, Edward.**

**HearMeRoar: That's what she said.**

**IxFeelxYou: Your such a perv, Em.**

**DoIDazzleU: Really Emmett. Grow up.**

**HearMeRoar: That's right, defend your man, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: *sputters* I don't k-know what your talking a-about.**

**ICanCU: *sighs* Edward... we all know about the affair.**

**IxFeelxYou: YOU TOLD!?**

**DoIDazzleU: Of course not!**

**ICanCU: *shivers* I saw.**

**HearMeRoar: Alice... you watched?**

**IxFeelxYou: Oh god! No Alice, please say you didn't!**

**ICanCU: I-I couldn't help it! Edward has the white-est ass in the world!**

**DoIDazzleU: *covers ears* Nooooo!**

**ICanCU: His ass blinded me.**

**HearMeRoar: The real question here is did you like what you saw Alice?**

**ICanCU: No! I was so traumatized. I had to stay away from all white things for weeks and you can imagine how hard that was considering we live in a house decorated white. Oh... and I have some bad news...**

**DoIDazzleU: Nothing could be worst than what just happened.**

**ICanCU: Um. Yes, yes it could. *nervous chuckle***

**IxFeelxYou: What are you so worried about Alice?**

**ICanCU: I told... Bella.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh f*ck!**

**IxFeelxYou: So not looking forward to her becoming immortal, she'll probably use her newborn strength to kick me in my-**

**ICanCU: Hey! Not in front of a lady!**

**HearMeRoar: I don't see any ladies, just a LESBIAN!**

**ICanCU: Oh you MOFO!**

**HearMeRoar: Bring it umpa-lumpa!**

**IxFeelxYou: CHILL! *uses power***

**ICanCU: I'LL JUMP YOU, EM!**

**HearMeRoar: THAT DEPENDS ON HOW HIGH YOU CAN JUMP!**

**DoIDazzleU: Hahaha.**

**ICanCU: *glares at Edward* What was that, VIRGIN!?**

**DoIDazzleU: *growls***

**IxFeelxYou: I SAID CHILL! *uses power again***

**ICanCU: *happiness and joy overload* OMG! Did you see that unicorn!?**

**HearMeRoar: *calm and relax overload* Mmmhmm.**

**DoIDazzleU: What did you do!?**

**IxFeelxYou: *feels effects of Alice and Emmett* Wheee. I'm on a bus!**

**DoIDazzleU: Are you all high?**

**ICanCU: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe! NOOOOOO!**

**HearMeRoar: Duuude, you need to chiiiill.**

**IxFeelxYou: *sing-song* I'm a cup of orange juice!**

**DoIDazzleU: It isn't possible for vampires to be high.**

**HearMeRoar: They also said it wasn't possible for a male to be a virgin for over a hundred years but you proved them wrong... way to go Eddie.**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm not taking this! Jasper-**

**IxFeelxYou: DON'T SPILL ME!**

**DoIDazzleU: .... Get back to me when the effects have wore off.**

**ICanCU: I don't see that happening anytime soon.**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: What a party pooper... Hehe, party pooper, get it Jasper?**

**IxFeelxYou: *sings to 50 Cent Remix vs Satisfaction* **

**HearMeRoar: Alright then, Alice do you get it?**

**ICanCU: *bounces off walls* HOLY CRAP! MY PILLOW JUST TALKED TO ME!**

**HearMeRoar: What did it say?**

**IxFeelxYou: I'M ON A BOAT! EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME I'M SAILIN' ON A BOAT!**

**ICanCU: Um... no, it asked me if I wanted to know a secret.**

**HearMeRoar: Well! What was the secret!?**

**ICanCU: Narnia is in my closet!**

**HearMeRoar: *gasp* Let's go to Narnia!**

**ICanCU: Alright!**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: I think I need to sneeze and I want ice cream... ESME!**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Alright, that was fun! :)**

**Like always news and info about my stories is on my profile.**

**Also I've got the poll up for this story.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews/favs/alerts.**

**I love you, fannies!**

**-Sam**


	12. The Discard Pile

**Disclaimer: After weeks of recuperating Samantha finally can say the four words everybody has been waiting for...**

**Me: I don't know... I have stage fright, I'm not kidding you, I once was in this play as a I was a bird feeder and-**

**Disclaimer: Say it!**

**Me: I. DON'T. OWN. TWILIGHT.**

**Disclaimer: YES! Success!**

**Me: Can I go cry now?**

**Disclaimer: Yeah whatever...**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hi, Eddie-kins.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello, love.**

**MsFallsAlot: Rosalie ignored me all day today. *sniffles* I'm falling so hard.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella, we're dating...**

**MsFallsAlot: We still are?**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes, we've been dating while you've had an affair with Alice... and while you've been "crushing" on Rose.**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh...**

**DoIDazzleU: It hurts... to watch... *grabs nearest liquid to pour down face* Oww! Damn!**

**MsFallsAlot: Walk it off.**

**DoIDazzleU: It was bleach, you betch!**

**MsFallsAlot: *gasp* What!?**

**DoIDazzleU: That's right! I called you a betch! Now lemme borrow that top!**

**MsFallsAlot: NO! What is your problem, Edward!?**

**DoIDazzleU: Well you could have thought about something important today, but instead you didn't.**

**MsFallsAlot: Like...**

**DoIDazzleU: Like whom you want to spend the rest of your lifetime with...**

**MsFallsAlot: Yes, but that requires deep thinking. I don't feel like thinking deeply today. I know I'll play a board game!**

**DoIDazzleU: With who?**

**MsFallsAlot: Edmund.**

**DoIDazzleU: Edmund?**

**MsFallsAlot: Edmund Pevensie.**

**DoIDazzleU: From the Chronicles of Narnia? Bella he's a fictional character.**

**MsFallsAlot: That's what I thought, but he's playing Monopoly with me right now and he's beating me, he's got all the orange properties with hotels.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella did you take any medication today?**

**MsFallsAlot: Edward, I'm completely coherent. Damn!**

**DoIDazzleU: What!?**

**MsFallsAlot: I went bankrupted! Damn that mofo!**

**DoIDazzleU: Are you okay? Bella?**

**MsFallsAlot: Yeah, just had to scrape a little perverted kid off my chest, but I'm cool.**

**DoIDazzleU: What!? Why!?**

**MsFallsAlot: If he won he wanted me to show him my boobs.**

**DoIDazzleU: YOU FLASHED HIM!?**

**MsFallsAlot: He asked me too... and I lost.**

**DoIDazzleU: *growls* Where is he?**

**MsFallsAlot: In Alice's closet.**

**DoIDazzleU: ?**

**MsFallsAlot: Narnia is in Alice's closet...**

**DoIDazzleU: When I get done with him, he'll be where all fictional characters end up when there no longer needed!**

**MsFallsAlot: In the discard pile? Like Leah?**

**DoIDazzleU: Exactly like Leah. I'm off to kill Edmund!**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: *reads Breaking Dawn* Poor Leah... no happy ending at all. Wait... what the fudge!? I give birth!?**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Bella, put the book down.**

**MsFallsAlot: I GIVE BIRTH!?**

**ICanCU: Bella, you are getting very sleepy... very very sleepy... when I type "Leave the chatroom" you will exit it, then burn Breaking Dawn, and then go to sleeping. You will forget you ever read Breaking Dawn, you will forget Breaking Dawn ever existed...**

**MsFallsAlot: Um, Alice? I'm not tired.**

**ICanCU: Leave the chatroom!**

**MsFallsAlot: Eh, sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not working.**

**ICanCU: Alrighty then, plan B. SAMANTHA!**

**MsFallsAlot: Who?**

**SuPaStArSaM has entered the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: What's the problem?**

**ICanCU: Bella found Breaking Dawn.**

**SuPaStArSaM: So did you.**

**MsFallsAlot: You found it too!? And you never said anything to me, Alice!?**

**ICanCU: *glares at Bella then Samantha* Not the point! You and I both know that I can only tell the future by reading these books. Now that Bella knows she's giving birth then she might warn Edward...**

**SuPaStArSaM: You know that might be for the better, Renesmee did cause a lot of problems.**

**MsFallsAlot: Damn right, it's for the better. I don't know a thing about raising babies.**

**ICanCU: Samantha, I know this is your story and all, but really... I would appreciate it so much if you would just cut me some slack.**

**SuPaStArSaM: It's not my fault your not a real physic.**

**MsFallsAlot: Alice isn't a real physic? Then how does she know about when I enter the chatroom or when I fall?**

**ICanCU: *sighs* I stalk you.**

**MsFallsAlot: *gasp* That's Edward's job!**

**ICanCU: No, that's my job, Edward pays me to do it.**

**SuPaStArSaM: That's what she said!**

**ICanCU: A little maturity Samantha, would truly be appreciated!**

**SuPaStArSaM: It was such an opening, I couldn't let it pass by.**

**MsFallsAlot: That's what he said!**

**SuPaStArSaM: *grins at Bella* That's the character I demented!**

**ICanCU: *groans* Please just erase her memory!**

**SuPaStArSaM: But we've grown so attached in the last few lines!**

**MsFallAlot: Yeah Alice, so attached!**

**ICanCU: What if I told you Bella has a crush on you?**

**SuPaStArSaM: I wouldn't believe you because I control Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: *eyes widen* What!?**

**ICanCU: Seems you've dug yourself into a hole, Sam.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Damn, sorry Bella.**

**MsFallAlot: What! What's going on!? Why are you sorry!?**

**SuPaStArSaM: *erases Bella's memory of this whole conversation* Now, Bella. Go read a book.**

**MsFallsAlot: *nods slowly***

**MsFallAlo has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Thank you!**

**SuPaStArSaM: There will be hell to pay for this later.**

**ICanCU: Yes, but in the end it's for the better.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Whatever, I'm going to go dance the Dance of Life.**

**ICanCU: Have fun!**

**SuPaStArSaM has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Thanks for waiting guys!**

**This wasn't the best, but again it was a filler.**

**:)**

**Review please!**

**-Sam**


	13. Bella Licks Pictures

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Reviews/Favs/Alerts are appreciated.**

**2,000+ hits!? 50 reviews!?**

**You guys rock!**

**Originally I was going to make you guys wait... but I must like you guys because it's hardly been a week and I'm already updating!**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt: Bella, I've got something to tell you...**

**MsFallsAlot: Yes, my sweet?**

**SoHawt: *gags* I don't like you.**

**MsFallsAlot: Then you love me? *giggles like a school girl***

**SoHawt: No! My god Bella read the signs!**

**MsFallsAlot: *looks outside window* Yield? Stop? Dead End?**

**SoHawt: Jesus, this is just freaking fantastic, she's like Emmett only female.**

**MsFallsAlot: Rose, are you in love with me...? *eyes glaze over***

**SoHawt: NO! I do not like you! I do not love you! I'm not in love with you! I love Emmett!**

**MsFallsAlot: *sniffs* Are you *tears stream down face* breaking up with me?**

**SoHawt: *looks at human emotions jealously* We were never together.**

**MsFallsAlot: Your so brooding and mysterious... the more you push me away the more attracted I am to you...**

**SoHawt: BELLA QUIT!**

**MsFallsAlot: I feel... I feel like we've imprinted... or something...**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Oh hell no!**

**SoHawt: Please Alice, help me! She licks pictures of me! She smells everything I touch! I'm so scared! *shaking***

**MsFallsAlot: *makes out with Rose's wedding picture***

**ICanCU: Um, ew. No worries, Rose. Edward should be here soon.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm here, where's the quote "pain-in-ass" unquote?**

**MsFallsAlot: Edward?**

**DoIDazzleU: Hi, love.**

**ICanCU: There's the quote "pain-in-ass" unquote!**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella?**

**SoHawt: Bella!**

**MsFallsAlot: Bella...?**

**ICanCU: Alice!**

**DoIDazzleU: *growls* Bella isn't a pain in the ass!  
**

**ICanCU: Is too.**

**DoIDazzleU: Is not.**

**SoHawt: So is too.**

**DoIDazzleU: Is not!**

**ICanCU: Is too!**

**DoIDazzleU: IS NOT!**

**SoHawt: She licked my wedding picture, Edward. She's f*cked in the head!**

**MsFallAlot: That's what she said!**

**SuPaStArSaM has entered the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Aww, I taught her that.**

**ICanCU: Samantha! Get out of here!**

**SoHawt: AHHH! IT'S THE PERSON WHO MADE THE MUTT DISAPPEAR! Wait... maybe that's not so bad...**

**MsFallsAlot: Who's Samantha?**

**DoIDazzleU: I was wondering the same thing.**

**SuPaStArSaM: I regret taking her memories away... Just wanted to warn you... hell to pay.**

**ICanCU: Gottcha. Hell to pay, hell to pay, I remember.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Don't forget it!**

**SuPaStArSaM has left the chatroom.**

**SoHawt: Waaait! Don't go! We could share secrets on how to torture dogs!**

**MsFallsAlot: *gasp* You torture animals?**

**SoHawt: Do you not like people that torture animals?**

**MsFallsAlot: I hate them.**

**SoHawt: In that case... do you remember the Disney movie Bambi?**

**MsFallsAlot: I love that movie!**

**SoHawt: You know how the mother dies?**

**MsFallsAlot: *tears stream down face* Yes.**

**DoIDazzleU: Rose...**

**ICanCU: No, Edward... let her do it... if you want Bella to love you again you'll let her do it.**

**SoHawt: I killed Bambi's mother.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella?**

**ICanCU: Oh shit...**

**MsFallsAlot: YOU MOTHERF*CKIN' HO BAG! HOW THE F*CK COULD YOU F*CKIN' DO THAT TO BAMBI! HE CRIED SO HARD! I CRIED SO HARD! YOU F*CKIN' COLD HEARTLESS BITCH!**

**MsFallsAlot has the left the chatroom.**

**SoHawt: *vampire shock***

**ICanCU: Edward, she'll need you...**

**DoIDazzleU: Thanks a lot, Rosalie. No seriously, I mean it. Bella might now love me again! *happy dance***

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: WAZZUP!?**

**SoHawt: *comes out of vampire shock* Shut up, dumb ass.**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: What did I say?**

**ICanCU: The chapters ending, you should have came earlier.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: That's what she said!**

**RUMyMommy has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: Emmy!**

**HearMeRoar: Yes, mommy?**

**RUMyMommy: I'm making chocolate chip hope-you-forget-that-Rose-is-a-Bambi-killer-and-bitch cookies for Bella... want to help?**

**HearMeRoar: Can I lick the spoon?**

**RUMyMommy: Emmett, we're vampires, we don't eat.**

**HearMeRoar: *throws fit* I WANNA LICK THE SPOON!**

**RUMyMommy: FINE! YOU CAN LICK THE F*CKING SPOON!**

**HearMeRoar: YAY!**

**RUMyMommy: *grumbles* Damn teenagers.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Well, I made good on my promise last chapter...**

**There would be hell to pay...**

**:)**

**Oh and also, I'm underlining this so you'll actually look at it and pay attention:**

**THERE'S A POLL ON MY PROFILE RELATING TO THIS STORY, VOTE PLEASE!**

**Sheesh, I only had one voter, that's really going to help...**

**-Sam**


	14. Edwards A Sex Kitten

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Hey guys, I did take a break from the story for awhile, but now I'm back.**

**I have a poll up for this story on my profile, check it out.**

**Oh and PS: The song listed below is not for young and innocent ears...**

**Then again if your very young you shouldn't even be reading my stories because they are clearly rated T.**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hello boys.**

**OffTheLeash: Hi, Bella.**

**DoIDazzleU: *cough* I am a man. *cough***

**MsFallsAlot: OMG! Edward are you sick!?**

**OffTheLeash: With AIDs from his male lover, Jasper.**

**DoIDazzleU: *glares at Jacob* I'm straight.**

**OffTheLeash: As a circle.**

**MsFallsAlot: C'mon Jake, grow up.**

**OffTheLeash: I wish I could.**

**MsFallsAlot: What?**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: No no no no no no no! Don't do it! She'll throw the bitch fit of the season!**

**OffTheLeash: *ignores Alice* I can't grow up. I'm frozen in time, like your popsicle of love over here.**

**DoIDazzleU: *wiggles fingers at Bella* Hi, there.**

**ICanCU: I warned you guys.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: You... can't grow up?**

**OffTheLeash: *shakes head* Nope.**

**MsFallsAlot: *screaming* WHY! WHY MUST I GET OLD! WHHHY!? *cries***

**DoIDazzleU: *admires tears* So beautiful, must taste.**

**OffTheLeash: *looks at Edward* He's f*cked up.**

**MsFallsAlot: *laughing and crying at the same time* That's what she said.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella, you look so beautiful when you spaz.**

**MsFallsAlot: *stops spazzing and swoons* Oh Edward.**

**OffTheLeash: Whoever said beauty is in the eye of the beholder was so true.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella is beautiful.**

**OffTheLeash: Oh no doubt there, I was referring to you.**

**DoIDazzleU: ... But I am beautiful.**

**MsFallsAlot: *still swooning* Yes you are.**

**OffTheLeash: Gross, get a room.**

**DoIDazzleU: So Bella, you said you wanted to tell us something...?**

**MsFallsAlot: *still swooning* I want you, Edward.**

**OffTheLeash: *coughs uncomfortable* I'll never be able to eat another popsicle again.**

**DoIDazzleU: *thinking unperverted thoughts* I want you too, Bella. Forever. It seems I've won, dog.**

**OffTheLeash: NOOOOOOO! How could he win? I mean yes he's got the looks, wit, charm, sex hair, money, etc, etc, and etc. But I was FUNNY! And nice!**

**DoIDazzleU: Nice guys finish last.**

**OffTheLeash: Why do you always get your way!?**

**DoIDazzleU: Because I'm Edward. And I always get what I want and right now, I want my human.**

**MsFallsAlot: Edward wants me! *happy dance* *sings Mind In The Gutt****er***

**OffTheLeash: Haha, ironic. The song's sang by a gay guy to other gays. Just like you Edward...**

**DoIDazzleU: *growls* Wait... Bella? You can't be thinking about that! We've already talked about it.**

**OffTheLeash: Ha! She's talking about sex, Edward. Not love, luuust. It seems I still have a chance!**

**MsFallAlot: But Edward...**

**DoIDazzleU: NO! We are saving my virginity *cough* I mean your virginity...**

**MsFallsAlot: You might want to get that cough checked out, you might have swine flu.**

**OffTheLeash: Yes, Edward you might. OR AIDs!**

**DoIDazzleU: I'll come over later, Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: *seductive smile* I'll be waiting, my sex kitten.**

**DoIDazzleU: ....**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: My sex kitten?**

**MsFallsAlot: Shut up, it's all I had at the time.**

**OffTheLeash: Wow, Eddie still has his V-card, huh?**

**MsFallsAlot: Yes, he clings to it for dear life.**

**OffTheLeash: Why?**

**MsFallsAlot: He doesn't want to go to hell.**

**OffTheLeash: He's vampire... eternally damned ring any bells?**

**MsFallsAlot: He won't go to hell, he's much to sweet.**

**OffTheLeash: Yeah, Satan doesn't appreciate the gays like America does.**

**MsFallsAlot: *glares at Jacob* Stop with the gay cracks.**

**OffTheLeash: I didn't mean to offend you.**

**MsFallsAlot: Well you did, and maybe you should take a look in the mirror before you point fingers!**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: IT WAS ONE TIME!**

**OffTheLeash has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**I know it's not much, but I updated, so be happy!**

**Also reviews/favs/alerts are always appreciated.**

**Thank you guys,**

**Sam(:**


	15. That Was Fierce

****

Disclaimer: Oh, Twilight you're so fine! You're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Twilight! Hey Twilight!

**Me: Hey Twilight! You're totally out of sight! No, I'm not smoking a bong! I will own you, right?**

**Disclaimer: No, you've got it wrong! You don't own Twi-light, so just leave it alone!**

**(played to "Hey Mickey!")**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Hey, Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hey Emmett. Thanks for getting on.**

**HearMeRoar: Heh, that's what she said.**

**MsFallsAlot: *glares***

**HearMeRoar: So what did you need?**

**MsFallsAlot: *blushes* Well um, I need help.**

**HearMeRoar: FINALLY! I've waiting for so long for you to finally admit it!**

**MsFallsAlot: Um, sorry I waited?**

**HearMeRoar: Admitting that you have a problem is the first step back to recovery.**

**MsFallsAlot: Problem? ... I guess it's a problem...**

**HearMeRoar: Being an off-and-on lesbian is a problem. You either like girls or you don't. No worries, Bella. I'll help you.**

**MsFallsAlot: Wait! This isn't-**

**HearMeRoar: I've made a little Q&A for you. You just answer yes or no and then I'll diagnose you.**

**MsFallsAlot: -Emmett, I don't like-**

**HearMeRoar: Question one! Do you think boobs are cool?**

**MsFallsAlot: *looks at chest* Um, sure?**

**HearMeRoar: Me too. *looks down at flat chest, sighs* I wish every night at 11:11 p.m. for a pair, but they never appear.**

**MsFallsAlot: *looks bewildered at what Emmett just wrote***

**HearMeRoar: Question two! Have you and Edward had any sexual interaction yet?**

**MsFallsAlot: That's personal! I'm not telling you.**

**HearMeRoar: I'll take that as a no. Next question. Question three! Do you still like Rose?**

**MsFallsAlot: *thinks back to Bambi* I loathe her. I wish I could chop her up and then feed her to pigs then have them regurgitate her and then send the chucks of her to the fiery pits of Hades.**

**HearMeRoar: ...**

**MsFallsAlot: No.**

**HearMeRoar: Alright. Question four! Are you ten, eleven, or twenty-two?**

**MsFallsAlot: ... Neither. I'm seventeen.**

**HearMeRoar: Just pick one!**

**MsFallsAlot: Um, ten?**

**HearMeRoar: *sighs in relief* Good. Last question! Question five! Do you think I'm sexilicious?**

**MsFallsAlot: No. I think Jasper is though... *swoons***

**HearMeRoar: *ego-stabbed* Even though you passed, I'm thinking you might still be a lesbian.**

**MsFallsAlot: Why?**

**HearMeRoar: How is Jasper more sexilicious than me?**

**MsFallsAlot: He just is. He's been in the army and has scars to prove it, he's blond, and so mysterious and emo! *licks lips***

**HearMeRoar: Whatever, wait what about Edward?**

**MsFallsAlot: Who?**

**HearMeRoar: Edward, your vampire popsicle of love.**

**MsFallsAlot: Ah, damn. I forgot about him. Heh, let's just forget this previous conversation.**

**HearMeRoar: My brain is the size of a peanut, as soon as you say something it's forgotten.**

**MsFallsAlot: I thought vampires had an excellent memory.**

**HearMeRoar: Let's just say my memory is full. *laughs***

**MsFallsAlot: *gags* Never mind.**

**HearMeRoar: So, was that all?**

**MsFallsAlot: *light bulb moment* I wanted to ask you some advice, but then your quiz backtracked me.**

**HearMeRoar: Oh, so what advice do you need?**

**MsFallsAlot: Well... as you know me and Edward aren't sexual... and I'd like us to be...**

**HearMeRoar: So you want to know how you can get Little Eddie in bed?**

**MsFallsAlot: Yes.**

**HearMeRoar: Seduce him.**

**MsFallsAlot: I've tried. It didn't work, he pushed me away and went all Barack Obama on my ass about being fragile.**

**HearMeRoar: Get him when he's weak. Like when he's playing his piano or when he's not looking.**

**MsFallsAlot: Sex on the piano? That's a bit to kinky for me.**

**HearMeRoar: Not into kink? Ahh, man.**

**MsFallsAlot: Sorry, it's just too weird.**

**HearMeRoar: Alice lied then.**

**MsFallsAlot: What do you mean?**

**HearMeRoar: She said you loved it when she pulled-**

**MsFallsAlot: SHHH!**

**HearMeRoar: -poor Eddie couldn't control himself.**

**MsFallsAlot: ... He liked it?**

**HearMeRoar: *smiles to himself* Yes, he did.**

**MsFallsAlot: Well... maybe I should try it then.**

**HearMeRoar: Go get 'em tiger!**

**MsFallsAlot: *meows***

**HearMeRoar: That sucked, try again.**

**MsFallsAlot: Raaawr?**

**HearMeRoar: You just typed it, you didn't say it.**

**MsFallsAlot: How do you know?**

**HearMeRoar: I'm in your pantry closet... did you know your running low on peanut butter?**

**MsFallsAlot: *sighs* *growls***

**HearMeRoar: *laughing* That was fierce!**

**MsFallsAlot: Thanks?**

**HearMeRoar: Alright, I have to go... do things... to your food.**

**MsFallsAlot: WHAT!?**

**HearMeRoar: MWA HA HA!**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: NOT MY LUCKY CHARMS!**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Thanks guys.**

**Hope you liked the chapter.**

**Oh and if you don't get the whole ten, eleven, or twenty-two thing PM me.**

**If your under twelve... well... why are you evening reading this if your twelve?**

**I'm burning your innocent eyes!**

**Poll on profile!**

**-Sam**


	16. What Is A Hor

**Disclaimer: Samantha is currently in treatment, her problem with not owning Twilight has gotten worse. Send her your love (reviews ;]) and keep her in your prayers.**

**Poll on profile(:**

**Reviews are like Christmas mornings, full of surprises... and cinnamon buns with hot vanilla icing.**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me.**

* * *

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello, Alice... Jasper.**

**ICanCU: Edward... Jazzy-poo.**

**IxFeelxYou: *nods respectively and salutes***

**DoIDazzleU: Jasper-**

**IxFeelxYou: Commander Whitlock to you.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: -... Jasper, you're not in the army anymore.**

**ICanCU: It's been... damn the book never even mentions the damn year, what the hell!?**

**HearMeRoar: Oooh, dirty mouth, Alice. Clean it up with Orbit.**

**ICanCU: *shudders* Gum and all its sugary stickiness. *gags***

**IxFeelxYou: I will not tolerate this disrespect... especially from Northerners no less.**

**HearMeRoar: Hey, war's over buddy... slaves are free... you lost.**

**ICanCU: Not a smart move, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: What the hell kind of physic are you!? You're suppose to tell me before I say it!**

**IxFeelxYou: Don't talk to my woman that way!**

**ICanCU: Your woman? *slightly turned on***

**IxFeelxYou: *senses Alice's mood* Why yes, my woman...**

**ICanCU: I don't need to have a *cough* imaginary *cough* physic power to know where this is going...**

**IxFeelxYou: I don't need to be Jasper the Emotion Man to know what you want...**

**DoIDazzleU: And I don't need to be a mind reader to feel like I'm being mind-raped, right Emmett?**

**HearMeRoar: *going through thoughts about Rosalie* Mmmhmm.**

**DoIDazzleU: ... Yeah, it's only me.**

**ICanCU: Jasper, do you want to come upstairs and win my war?**

**HearMeRoar: *absentmindly* That's what she said.**

**IxFeelxYou: Do I get to wear my uniform?**

**DoIDazzleU: So... much... kink... *spazzes on floor***

**ICanCU: Yes, you may. I'll be waiting.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Later guys! I'm getting some! Woo!**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: *stops very visual thoughts* *chuckles once* Hey, Eddie... even the emo's getting some! What's that say about you!?**

**DoIDazzleU: *relieved that some torture has stopped* I'd rather wait.**

**HearMeRoar: *dumbfounded* And you're definitely a male...?**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes.**

**HearMeRoar: And you don't want sex?**

**DoIDazzleU: I didn't say that. I said I'd rather wait.**

**HearMeRoar: Bella doesn't.**

**DoIDazzleU: How do you know?**

**HearMeRoar: I talked to her yesterday.**

**DoIDazzleU: *tries to read thoughts* About what? Stop singing that song! I hate it!**

**HearMeRoar: I wanna know is there anyone on the floor... who can suck me like a-**

**DoIDazzleU: I GET IT!**

**HearMeRoar: - *laughs***

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hey fellas.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello, love.**

**HearMeRoar: Hey, Bella *wink, wink***

**MsFallsAlot: What's going on? *returns the wink, wink***

**DoIDazzleU: You guys do realize you're typing what you're doing... right?**

**HearMeRoar: So Edward, let's talk about sex.**

**DoIDazzleU: Not in front of a lady, Emmett.**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh I'm no lady... wait...**

**HearMeRoar: That's right, Bella here is a hor.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hor?**

**HearMeRoar: Yes, hor.**

**MsFallsAlot: What is a hor?**

**DoIDazzleU: I don't... *reads Emmett's thoughts***

**HearMeRoar: A hor is a female who-**

**DoIDazzleU: *roars* BELLA ISN'T A WHORE, YOU BASTARD!**

**MsFallsAlot: Wow, his sexy growl is fierce.**

**HearMeRoar: I didn't call Bella a whore, Edward... I called her a hor.**

**DoIDazzleU: That's because you can't spell, numb-nuts.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm not a whore, Emmett. I just flirt a lot and have "surprise" sex, that doesn't make me a whore though...**

**HearMeRoar: I still don't know what a wha-hor-ee is, but whatever. Sorry, Bella. I was merely trying to spice up the mood.**

**DoIDazzleU: What the hell-**

**MsFallsAlot: Thank you, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: *smiles* Welcome.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Care to explain what just happened, Bella?**

**MsFallsAlot: I don't know how to say it so I'm just going to come out with it, okay?**

**DoIDazzleU: Okay.**

**MsFallsAlot: Every time I see you I "Jizz In My Pants".**

**DoIDazzleU: ... What?**

**MsFallsAlot: Have you never heard the song?**

**DoIDazzleU: No.**

**MsFallsAlot: Okay... um how about I want you to give me my "Satisfaction".**

**DoIDazzleU: What are you trying to get at Bella?**

**MsFallsAlot: *frustrated* I want to have sex with you!**

**DoIDazzleU: *vampire shock***

**MsFallsAlot: *taps foot impatiently***

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of vampire shock* I can understand where you're coming from Bella, I mean I'd tap me too if I were you, but I like my virginity, it keeps me sexy. Sorry, Bella. No sex means no sex.**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Keep clinging to the V-card, Edward... but you'll fall so hard when you see me in my sexy blue undies! *evil laughter* Wait... this isn't right... *throaty evil laughter* Now that's hawt!**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Thanks, readers.**

**I appreciate the reviews/favs/alerts!**

**I love you guys!  
**

**Oh and look at all the possibly "that's what she said" jokes in the last half of the chapter... Emmett would have a damn ****epileptic seizure****!**

**-Sam**


	17. Carlisle Likes To Cyber

**Disclaimer: The story's not over!**

**Me: And I don't write sober!**

**Disclaimer: Haha, yeah that's right!**

**Me: I'm gonna cry tonight!**

**Disclaimer: Cuz she don't own Twilight!**

**Me: Yeah I'm gonna cry tonight!**

**Disclaimer: Cuz she don't own Twilight!**

**(played with Up All Night by Hinder)**

* * *

**Please notice the rating now: M!**

**I still will use the same language as before, just because I'm not one who likes to cuss a lot, but I had to change the rating because there is a slight lemon in here...**

**

* * *

**

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me.**

* * *

**RUMyMommy has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: Hello, Esme.**

**RUMyMommy: *seductive* Hi, Carl.**

**DrShizzle: Mmm, are the children around?**

**RUMyMommy: No. *smiles wickly***

**DrShizzle: Wanna cyber then?**

**RUMyMommy: Sure.**

**DrShizzle: Role play?**

**RUMyMommy: Really Carl? Were vampires...**

**DrShizzle: True dat.**

**RUMyMommy: *leans against chair, smiling up at you***

**DrShizzle: *leans down and plants kisses down your throat* *growls***

**RUMyMommy: Oh Carl! *hands clasp around your back***

**DrShizzle: *pulls up from chair and carries to bed* *lays you down and hovers over you***

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: GIVE IT TO ME!**

**DoIDazzleU: *vampire shock***

**DrShizzle: *growls and rips-**

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of vampire shock* *screams like little girl***

**DrShizzle: *-blouse off***

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Edward, they aren't going to stop any time soon, they hardly even realize we're here.**

**DoIDazzleU: Alice, hold me. I feel so raped. *rocks back and forth***

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Why is it always about Edward's pain!? Why not me!? Why him!?**

**DoIDazzleU: My hair makes me cooler than you. Plus I play the piano... and you know what they say about skillful hands, right?**

**IxFeelxYou: I served the military, bitch.**

**DoIDazzleU: I dazzle people.**

**IxFeelxYou: Correction! You dazzle Bella. And if you haven't realized it let me enlighten you...**

**ICanCU: Reality check! **

**IxFeelxYou: She's not the brightest crayon in the Crayola box!**

**DoIDazzleU: Bitch please!**

**OffTheLeash has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: YES! *rips of Carlisle's pants***

**OffTheLeash: Is this your kind of family meetings?**

**DoIDazzleU: This is a bad time, Jacob.**

**OffTheLeash: I'll say.**

**DrShizzle: *kisses roughly***

**ICanCU: Bella isn't here.**

**OffTheLeash: *ignores and continues to watch Esme and Carlisle***

**IxFeelxYou: I can't take all the freakin' lust, I'm going on a walk and I'll take Toby.**

**DoIDazzleU: Toby?**

**ICanCU: Emmett bought a dog.**

**RUMyMommy: *gasps and moans***

**DoIDazzleU: Rose must be thrilled.**

**IxFeelxYou: Actually she is, to the extreme. She wants to use so she can test out all her ways to torture a dog.**

**ICanCU: We'll have to hide the dog from Bella.**

**DoIDazzleU: Why?**

**ICanCU: Bella's quite observative... she'll notice when it goes missing.**

**DrShizzle: Do you like it when I do that?**

**DoIDazzleU: Yes, she will.**

**RUMyMommy: I do. *hands run down shirt and rips open***

**IxFeelxYou: Were you answering Alice or Carlisle?**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm not sure... a lemon and a conversation going on at the same time is difficult to keep up with.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: That's what she said.**

**ICanCU: How can you do that!?**

**HearMeRoar: I don't know. Maybe it's a gift. The gift of knowing when somebody just said something I can turn into a "that's what she said" joke.**

**DrShizzle: Mmmm smashing, baby!**

**IxFeelxYou: I'm going on that walk now.**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: I love this chatroom!**

**HearMeRoar: Heh, dog likes his vampy porn.**

**OffTheLeash: ... No. *hides videos that he bought from Bella***

**ICanCU: Oh god, it's about to get gross, sorry guys I'm leaving.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I wonder what she means...?**

**RUMyMommy: YES! YES! YES!**

**DoIDazzleU: NO! NO! NO!**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: WIMPS!**

**OffTheLeash: This is like a Christmas morning... well... I guess it would have to be a really messed up Christmas morning... minus Santa and the hung over reindeer.**

**HearMeRoar: Why isn't Santa hung over too?**

**OffTheLeash: Santa lives in the North POLE... he lives with ELVES... he like to EAT cookies... and makes lists of the NAUGHTY and nice LITTLE girls and BOYS.**

**HearMeRoar: You forget your caps lock was on?**

**OffTheLeash: No I was emphazing words...**

**HearMeRoar: Pole elves eat naughty little boys. Great mutt, you just ruin Christmas for me. Oh and before I log out, I always had a question for you. Can you do it with other dogs?**

**OffTheLeash: I'd kill them.**

**HearMeRoar: *eyes widen* *runs off to save Toby from being butt-raped***

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: Pssh, like I even would try.**

**DrShizzle: You like that, creme puff?**

**OffTheLeash: Can I join? Please? I'm confused about my sexuality.**

**RUMyMommy: Mmm.**

**OffTheLeash: This one time I ended up... doing unholy things with my friend...**

**DrShizzle: I'm taking a break from my shift, will you come up to the hospital?**

**OffTheLeash: That is soooo what she said.**

**RUMyMommy: On my way!**

**RUMyMommy has left the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: Ohhh yeahh!**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: *frowns* Bunch of freakin' teases making me all hot... well hotter and bothered for nothing! Damn and I hate cold showers!**

**OffTheLeash has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**No need to run away, readers.**

**I won't be making each chapter about sexin' it up...**

**Seems like that thats all I do lately.**

**No worries the next chapter will be a little fluffier(:**

**Reviews/Favs/Alerts are appreciated!**

**Thank you, much love!**

**-Sam :DD**


	18. A Kick In The Nads

**Disclaimer: Samantha, what do you want to do for this disclaimer?**

**Me: Hmm, we just did a song last chapter so let's write a mini story about me.**

**Disclaimer: Oh.**

**Me: What?**

**Disclaimer: Well... its nothing.**

**Me: Tell me, Disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: We use the mini story and songs a lot. Can't we do something different this time?**

**Emmett: Heh, that's what she said.**

**Me: What the hell are you doing in the disclaimer?**

**Emmett: What do you mean? I'm not in the disclaimer...**

**Disclaimer: Yes you are...**

**Emmett: Oh, well hurry it up, your stealing the spotlight, bitches.**

**Disclaimer: Hey! Language!**

**Me: Shut up, Dis. It's not like-**

**Emmett: Samantha doesn't own Twilight, I would know. I'm owned by a lady named Mrs. Meyer and she fondles-**

**Me: Alright moving on to the story!**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Where's Edward, killer?**

**SoHawt: He's trying to bleach his eyes.**

**MsFallsAlot: He saw your face?**

**SoHawt: *growls* The 'rents sexed it up in front of him, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and your oven mitt of love.**

**MsFallsAlot: Jacob?**

**SoHawt: Yeah, whatever.**

**MsFallsAlot: So what do you want to talk about, Mrs. Bambi's Madre Hunter?**

**SoHawt: Nothing.**

**MsFallsAlot: Uh, okay. Are we using the noun form? Adverb form? Adjective form?**

**SoHawt: You are fudging annoying.**

**MsFallsAlot: I like fudge...**

**SoHawt: Your face makes me want to go gag myself with a spoon.**

**MsFallsAlot: I like to spoon too... wait did I just say that?**

**SoHawt: You're so plain, it's only a matter of time before that Strawberry Blond Bitch comes and takes your place.**

**MsFallsAlot: Tanya?**

**SoHawt: Yeah, Ton-ya, whatevs. I'm just hoping that bitch doesn't come near my make-up.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the room.**

**HearMeRoar: That is definitely what she said.**

**MsFallsAlot: *sighs* I'll never be anything compared to Ton-ya. *wallows in self-pity***

**HearMeRoar: Whoa, this is all to familiar? You and Edward are like two freakin' peas in a pod.**

**SoHawt: You and Tun-yak have one thing in common too.**

**MsFallsAlot: We're both radiating sexiness?**

**SoHawt: No, you're both whores.**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: I hate Rosalie.**

**HearMeRoar: I'm sorry, Belly. She's not usually so bitchy.**

**MsFallsAlot: Belly?**

**HearMeRoar: Yes, it's your new nickname?**

**MsFallsAlot: Are you calling me fat?**

**HearMeRoar: Well... I'm just saying lay off the Reese's pieces.**

**MsFallsAlot: I really wish I had vampy strength!**

**HearMeRoar: What for?**

**MsFallsAlot: So I could kick you in the nads.**

**HearMeRoar: The fellas nor Rose wouldn't appreciate it.**

**MsFallsAlot: The fellas?**

**HearMeRoar: Don't try to tell me you haven't named your boobies.**

**MsFallsAlot: Actually no.**

**HearMeRoar: Seriously? Can I name them?**

**MsFallsAlot: Sure?**

**HearMeRoar: I dub thee right one Sugar an thee left one Plum.**

**MsFallsAlot: Sugar Plum?**

**HearMeRoar: Yes, very sexual isn't it?**

**MsFallsAlot: Not really, it's pretty fruity.**

**HearMeRoar: Well how do you feel? Do you have overpowering confidence?**

**MsFallsAlot: No, but I'm a little hungry...**

**HearMeRoar: Not what I was hoping for, but okay.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm going to go make dinner for Charlie, he tends to turn into the Exorcist if I don't give him his lasagna on time.**

**HearMeRoar: Would you hate me if I tried to turn that into a "that's what she said" joke?**

**MsFallsAlot: I'd convince Carlisle to send you to an asylum. Father/daughter jokes are very sick.**

**HearMeRoar: True... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm shunning you.**

**HearMeRoar: You love me to much to shun me.**

**MsFallsAlot: No, I don't.**

**HearMeRoar: *slightly panicked* C'mon Bella, quit playing.**

**MsFallsAlot: Sorry Emmett, I just *smiles slightly* can't help myself anymore.**

**HearMeRoar: *hears Rose's voice in head, "Threaten her!"* She'll know it was you! You won't get away with this!**

**MsFallsAlot: *smiles evilly* Why not? The Volturi will erase every trace of you.**

**HearMeRoar: *hears voice again "Beg, you f*cker! Beg!"* Please! *gasping***

**MsFallsAlot: I'm going to take my time, I won't be quick. I'll lie to Rose of course, throw her off track. Emmett, *shakes head in disgust* if you knew what she had planned for you... I swear you'd be thanking me for this.**

**HearMeRoar: *stares in horror, Rose growls in his head* God, this is the sexiest way to die.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: I win?**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I got her, Emmett. No worries.**

**HearMeRoar: Thank you, Baby Hay-zues!**

**DoIDazzleU: *laughs* I've got to go. Goodbye, brother.**

**HearMeRoar: Peace be with you, my friend.**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: This calls for some celebration sex. ROSE!**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Not very fluffy... sorry guys.**

**Hey at least it didn't radiate sex... okay it did...**

**It had funnies! Okay no arguments there... good.**

**:)**

**Much love,**

**Sam**


	19. Edward Has A Frisky Goldfish

****

Disclaimer: She tries her luck, everyday, every night.

**Me: I try my luck when it's wrong, when it's right.**

**Disclaimer: She tries her luck wanting to own Twilight.**

**Me: I try my luck because I'll own it right?**

**Disclaimer: What? Hell no!**

**(played to I Like To F*ck by Hot Rod ft. Tila Tequila & B. Dozier)**

**Reviews/Favs/Alerts are always appreciated(:**

**Much love to all of you.**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: Thank you all for coming.**

**HearMeRoar: *spazzes out***

**DoIDazzleU: We can't say anything around you, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: *grins* I know.**

**RUMyMommy: Go on, Carl.**

**DrShizzleU: *deep breath* We found out you children saw Esme and I... cybering.**

**DoIDazzleU: *shudders***

**ICanCU: Incoming. We're getting the talk.**

**HearMeRoar: Oh hell.**

**IxFeelxYou: Stop it, as if their not embarrassed enough!**

**RUMyMommy: We're sorry you saw that, children.**

**DrShizzle: We never meant for you to see... we just got carried away, like Emmett and Rosalie.**

**DoIDazzleU: *double shudder***

**IxFeelxYou: No, I doubt anybody can get that carried away, Carlisle, but continue.**

**HearMeRoar: What is that-**

**ICanCU: Shh!**

**HearMeRoar: Did you just shush me?**

**ICanCU: Shhh!**

**HearMeRoar: Alice, I'm on a computer... I'm not making any noise.**

**ICanCU: Fine if you insist, SHUT THE HELL UP!**

**RUMyMommy: Please don't fight. We just want to explain.**

**IxFeelxYou: *makes everybody calm* We understand, Esme.**

**HearMeRoar: Don't you go all Dr. Phil on my ass, Jazz.**

**IxFeelxYou: Emmett, quit being difficult.**

**HearMeRoar: Don't put me down!**

**IxFeelxYou: I'm not?**

**HearMeRoar: BITCH, DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT A HOLE THROUGH YOUR NADS?**

**IxFeelxYou: And how do you propose to do that, Emmett?**

**HearMeRoar: First I'm going to grab them firmly and then I'm going to pinch-**

**ICanCU: I know where this is going and it's starting sound like stage directions for a porno. Esme will you please go on with whatever you were saying?**

**RUMyMommy: Alright. *deep breath* Well a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much... they make love to each other to show each other how much they love each other.**

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Making loves is for sissies, quick surprise sex is for real men!**

**RUMyMommy: *looks at Emmett in disapproval***

**MsFallsAlot: *hides little black book full of clients behind back* No surprise sex for me. Heh.**

**DoIDazzleU: *glares suspicously at Bella's screen name***

**ICanCU: I think this meeting is over. I'm going shopping.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: I suppose I should go too, I'll see you at home, Carl. *wink, wink***

**RUMyMommy has left the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: I've gotten laid more times this week then Aro did when he and Edward were dating.**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: What!?**

**IxFeelxYou: I'm sensing some loathing here.**

**MsFallsAlot: That would be me, Jasper. What the hell, Edward? You'll have a round with Aro but not me?**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella, this is hard to explain...**

**HearMeRoar: Oh do tell.**

**MsFallsAlot: Yes, Edward. Do tell.**

**DoIDazzleU: I wasn't just an experimental gay.**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh?**

**IxFeelxYou: Aw hell.**

**DoIDazzleU: I was gay until I met you.**

**HearMeRoar: I KNEW IT! I F*CKING KNEW IT! THAT'S TEN THOUSAND BIG ONES, JASPER!**

**IxFeelxYou: Dammit! I thought I was your first Edward!**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh my god. My boyfriend is a recovering gay for real.**

**IxFeelxYou: If it makes you feel any better Bella I just lost ten thousand dollars.**

**MsFallsAlot: Jasper don't even talk to me, you've even banged him.**

**IxFeelxYou: What? I thought we were pals... I shared Alice with you... *sniff***

**MsFallsAlot: Oh puh-lease, you make it out like you shared some Goldfish with me.**

**HearMeRoar: And everybody knows sharing Goldfish is a bigger deal than sharing sexual partners, Jasper. It's the snack that smiles back.**

**DoIDazzleU: I've done it with a Goldfish before.**

**MsFallsAlot: ....**

**IxFeelxYou: When?**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella had some by her computer... while she was typing her mom one of those lemme-bitch-to-you-and-you-can-bitch-to-me letters I snuck one and well... the Goldfish got frisky.**

**HearMeRoar: How can you tell when a Goldfish is frisky, Edward?**

**DoIDazzleU: It was smiling at me seductively... and it's tail was sticking straight up.**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh my god! How many times have you done it with food!?**

**DoIDazzleU: .... Twice.**

**HearMeRoar: Hahaha. The Goldfish and....?**

**IxFeelxYou: Oh this will be good. He's as nervous as a whore in church.**

**HearMeRoar: Hor.**

**IxFeelxYou: Sure, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: An apple.**

**MsFallsAlot: An apple!? Did this apple have any significance?**

**IxFeelxYou: Whoa, confession time, Eddie.**

**DoIDazzleU: It's the apple on the Twilight cover.**

**HearMeRoar: Oh wow!**

**MsFallsAlot: WHAT!?**

**DoIDazzleU: It wanted to be a star, Bella! Who was I to deny it's dreams!? **

**IxFeelxYou: It?**

**DoIDazzleU: Well I didn't know whether it was a boy or girl! Food doesn't have gender!**

**HearMeRoar: How did you know... it had dreams?**

**DoIDazzleU: I could hear it's thoughts.**

**MsFallsAlot: ....**

**IxFeelxYou: ....**

**HearMeRoar: ....**

**DoIDazzleU: What?**

**MsFallsAlot: Don't make any sudden movements, you'll scare him away.**

**IxFeelxYou: Edward... just stay calm...**

**DoIDazzleU: What are you talking-**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Emmett get him?**

**IxFeelxYou: Yeah, Edward's in the straight jacket now.**

**MsFallsAlot: Good!**

**HearMeRoar: Hey, Jazz! Gonna need your help. Edward's a wiggler.**

**IxFeelxYou: I'll be there in a minute, Em.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Got to go, Bella. Don't worry, we've got Apple Boy under control.**

**MsFallsAlot: Good. And don't send him back until he's able to brood again.**

**IxFeelxYou: Gotcha.**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**I touched on a forbidden topic, I know.**

**But honestly, if I didn't open up to the public about the Aro and Edward affair I might have exploded with gayness.**

**I'm just kidding(:**

**I love you guys... and girls... mostly the guys though...**

**PS: Who else is excited as hell for New Moon? Was I the only one who did a fan-girl scream when they leaked part of Bella's Birthday scene on MTV?**

**-Sam**


	20. Toby Is Dead

**Disclaimer: Samantha doesn't own Twilight, only the plots to this story (if that's even what you would call this...)**

**Wow, chapter twenty... who would have thought I would have made it this far? Personally I thought I would have had a mental breakdown by the time I made it to eleven.**

**I want to thank everybody who reads my stories. So thank you, without your help I might have given up on writing and said screw it.**

**I give you all virtual fluffy nutters! If you've never had one, Google it. If you don't like peanut butter... well... wait why the hell wouldn't you like peanut butter? *Oh yes, 'peanut allergies'... then for you guys with the allergies I will give you all fluffy... kittens! And if your allergic to cats and peanut butter... then just read the damn story!**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Hi everybody!**

**DoIDazzle: Hello Alice, Jasper, Emmett.**

**IxFeelxYou: WAZZUP!**

**DoIDazzleU: ....**

**ICanCU: He's trying to bring the phrase back.**

**IxFeelxYou: Is it working? Do you feel the awesomeness?**

**ICanCU: Not yet, honey.**

**IxFeelxYou: Damn.**

**HearMeRoar: Guys... I've got some bad news...**

**IxFeelxYou: What's is it, Emmett?**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh no. Please tell me you didn't make love to Rose in my Volvo!**

**ICanCU: Yes, because I was planning to do that with Jasper tomorrow and I'd rather not touch where your ass has been.**

**DoIDazzleU: *glares at Alice's screen name* This isn't a joking matter, Alice.**

**ICanCU: I never said I was joking.**

**HearMeRoar: I didn't make love in your damn Volvo, Edward. Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh thank god... Satan... who are we suppose to worship?**

**ICanCU: I'll look it up... *flips through Bible***

**HearMeRoar: And nobody wants to the know the bad news?**

**DoIDazzleU: Bad news? Hmm... so tempting but I'm going to have to go with no. *starts texting Bella***

**IxFeelxYou: Well I don't have much of a social life seeing as any human friends I make I'm tempted to eat... so what's the news, Emmett?**

**HearMeRoar: Toby.**

**DoIDazzleU: *stops texting Bella* That stupid dog?**

**HearMeRoar: He's not stupid! **

**IxFeelxYou: What's the bad news about Toby?**

**ICanCU: *stops flipping through Bible* He vomited on that cashmere sweater I bought him, didn't he? Swear to god that ungrateful little ball of fur-**

**HearMeRoar: Don't you talk about Toby that way when you have a Bible in your hands! It's unholy! Plus Toby was a great dog!**

**DoIDazzleU: Emmett, he messes on the carpet more than Jacob does and that's saying something.**

**ICanCU: At least Toby doesn't take atomic poos.**

**IxFeelxYou: What do you mean was a great dog? Did he do something really bad, Emmett?**

**HearMeRoar: Sort of. I was just taking him out when all of a sudden he ran away! I ran after him and saw him humping Leah's leg which was understandable-**

**ICanCU: Really? Leah?**

**IxFeelxYou: She is sort of sexy...**

**ICanCU: What did you say?**

**IxFeelxYou: What? I like dominant women... I married you didn't I?**

**DoIDazzleU: Ooooo.**

**ICanCU: Jasper Hale!**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh Hale! Get it? I made a funny!**

**HearMeRoar: Yes, you made a ironic funny because your humor sucks you prick, now back to my story-**

**DoIDazzleU: *mutters* Bella thinks I'm funny.**

**ICanCU: Again, this Bella were talking about... the same person who thinks bananas are secret hot lines to Banana Land.**

**HearMeRoar: Can I finish my story?**

**IxFeelxYou: Go ahead.**

**HearMeRoar: *clears throat* Alright, so where were we before I was interrupted? Oh yes, Leah leg humping... anyways I understood he would hump her she, after all is a bitch, but I was afraid that she would hurt him during sex-**

**DoIDazzleU: Which she probably would.**

**HearMeRoar: Yeah, I talked to Jacob about that... something along the lines of death resulting.**

**IxFeelxYou: *laughs at mental image***

**DoIDazzleU: *cringes at Jasper's mental image***

**HearMeRoar: -so I grabbed Toby and ran off. I stopped running I realized he wasn't breathing and his heart beat stopped. I killed Toby. Unintentionally for the record.**

**ICanCU: Like with the baby you adopted.**

**HearMeRoar: No, it's nothing like with the baby.**

**ICanCU: I meant you unintentionally killed the baby.**

**HearMeRoar: No, I intentionally killed the infant.**

**DoIDazzleU: *gasps in horror* That's terrible!**

**HearMeRoar: I was hungry...**

**IxFeelxYou: Killing an innocent infant is a horrible thing, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: But-**

**ICanCU: It is, it's a very bad thing.**

**HearMeRoar: *breaks down and starts crying, rocks back and forth***

**IxFeelxYou: He feels like Bella did in New Moon.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hey! I was in pain too!**

**IxFeelxYou: Puh-lease *giggles internally at Bella's term* Edward, you were cruisin' for bitches.**

**DoIDazzleU: Who else was there to tell me how pretty I was?**

**HearMeRoar: DAMN IT! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! WHY CAN'T I BE THE MAIN CHARACTER IN THIS STORY!? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT EDWARD OR BELLA!? WHHHHHHHHHHY!?**

**ICanCU: *finishes flipping through Bible* Would you fudging believe it? There's no freaking answers!**

**DoIDazzleU: Did you check the index?**

**ICanCU: There's no index in the Bible, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh... Google it then.**

**ICanCU: I'm not your slave!**

**IxFeelxYou: Slaves!? Where!?**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm taller than you...**

**ICanCU: Oh the size thing again, huh?**

**DoIDazzleU: Size does matter.**

**ICanCU: Maybe that's why Bella won't have sex with you.**

**DoIDazzleU: HEY! I won't have sex with her! Get your facts right!**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: I want my own damn story.**

**ICanCU: Oh and what would we call it?**

**HearMeRoar: Emmett's Adventures.**

**IxFeelxYou: How original... *rolls eyes***

**ICanCU: Let me guess... it's about your everyday adventures?**

**HearMeRoar: Yes! How did you know?**

**ICanCU: I'm a *cough* real *cough* physic remember?**

**IxFeelxYou: You okay, Ally?**

**ICanCU: Oh yeah, I'm just going through sex withdraw...**

**IxFeelxYou: Then you better come upstairs and get your daily vitamin S!**

**ICanCU: Vitamin S?**

**IxFeelxYou: Vitamin Sex!**

**ICanCU: I should get sicker more often!**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Nobody cares about Emmett... *dry sobs* I'm so alone.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt: Emmy?**

**HearMeRoar: Yes, Rosie?**

**SoHawt: I'm trying to decide on a new lipstick color and I need your help.**

**HearMeRoar: Is this was my character gets to look forward too? Choosing lipstick colors? What-**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: ... Glad to know my opinion matters.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Poor Emmy.**

**:(**

**I'm pretty sure I still have the Cullen IM poll still up on my profile.**

**Also thank you in advance for alerts/favs/reviews(:**

**Much love to you guys!**

**-Sam**


	21. Bellas A Gold Digger

**Disclaimer: Twilight's her obsession.**

**Me: It's what I do.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight's her obsession, girls.**

**Me: My heart nearly stopped when Bella had a baby.**

**Disclaimer: She's read it the sixteenth time tonight.**

**Me: I still can't believe Bella had a freakin' baby.**

**Disclaimer: Too bad she's doesn't own Twilight.**

**Me: Shut up and let me sing. La, la la la!**

**(played with La La La by LMFAO)**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me.**

* * *

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: The hours have turned slowly.**

**HearMeRoar: Can you repeat that in English? I'm not fluent in Douche.**

**DoIDazzleU: *growls* Today has been long.**

**HearMeRoar: I'd have to disagree there, brother. I don't think it's been long enough. *suggestive wink at Rose***

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt: I agree with Edward. Today was too long. *remembering Emmett having surprise sex constantly***

**DoIDazzleU: *shudders at thoughts* It reminds me of Aro.**

**ICanCU: HOLY SH*T!**

**DoIDazzleU: You saw more sex didn't you? *rocks back and forth while sucking on thumb* So much sex.**

**HearMeRoar: Aro pulled fast ones on you didn't he?**

**DoIDazzleU: *sighs* Don't get me wrong, the butt-sex was great, but his role-playing drove me insane. I can only be Jesus so many times before it becomes sac-religious!**

**ICanCU: Jasper likes to role-play.**

**DoIDazzleU: I know.**

**ICanCU: *growls* My Jazzy-poo.**

**HearMeRoar: *changes subject saving Edward's nonexistent nads* Hey, did Rose agree with Edward?**

**DoIDazzleU: The Icy Bitch did?**

**HearMeRoar: Fudge, seriously I was just trying to make a distraction. Ugh, more money going to Jasper. **

**SoHawt: I did. Why is it so hard to believe that I would agree with Edward?**

**DoIDazzleU: *throws Twilight to Rose* Read it and weep.**

**SoHawt: *reads* *finds nearly liquid and pulls an Edward***

**DoIDazzleU: Hey! Why did you guys name an action after me!?**

**ICanCU: You poured liquid in your eyes over three times. We have one for Bella too.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh? And what would that be?**

**HearMeRoar: When you stumble over every f*cking thing, you're being a Bella.**

**DoIDazzleU: As much as I hate to admit it, my Melted Chocolate Bar of Love is so clumsy she could be handicapped.**

**SoHawt: My hairs all sticky with shampoo now. Great.**

**HearMeRoar: May I lick it clean?**

**ICanCU: Eww, don't be such a Jacob.**

**DoIDazzleU: A Jacob?**

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: EDWARD!**

**OffTheLeash has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella?**

**OffTheLeash: BELLA! DON'T! I really like my lips being attached to my face!**

**MsFallsAlot: Jacob tried to rape me!**

**OffTheLeash: I didn't try to rape her, Edward!**

**SoHawt: *growls* Rape is a touchy subject, you mutt!**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm going to ripe your nads off and make you swallow them, dog! Then I'm-**

**OffTheLeash: She was totally willing until I mentioned that I was broke.**

**DoIDazzleU: -What?**

**HearMeRoar: I ain't saying she a gold digger. But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke!**

**MsFallsAlot: And the fact your smaller than average men!**

**OffTheLeash: I'M STILL GROWING!**

**ICanCU: Haha, riiiight. I'm going to pull a Rose. Bye.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Speaking of having sexy times, Jake here hasn't had his cherry popped so I'd have to teach him everything I know.**

**OffTheLeash: Sundaes are ruined for me.**

**DoIDazzleU: I thought you were a virgin too, Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: Yeah, I'm surprised it's still intact.**

**HearMeRoar: Whoa whoa whoa! Bella still has her v-card!?**

**MsFallsAlot: Yes, I do. Do you want to see?**

**DoIDazzleU: ISABELLA MARIE SWAN DON'T YOU DARE!**

**OffTheLeash: YES! I WANT TO SEE!**

**HearMeRoar: Sure, what's it look like?**

**MsFallsAlot: *sends Twit pic saying come and get this, lol smiley face***

**HearMeRoar: Holy sh*t! What's that!? Is that where you insert the card in?**

**OffTheLeash: Forward it to me!**

**HearMeRoar: Sorry, I don't have the mutt's number on speed dial, later sucka!**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: BELLA! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE!?**

**MsFallsAlot: *looks down at freshly made peanut butter and jelly sandwich* I've made a snack?**

**OffTheLeash: Ooo, snacks!**

**OffTheLeash has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm disappointed in you, Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hey! It's my ass! I'll walk off the calories later!**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: ... Why does she think I'm talking about her sandwich?**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Poll on profile(:**

**Reviews/Favs/Alerts are appreciated.**

**Much love,**

**Sam**


	22. Is It Christmas Yet

**Disclaimer: Samantha, you don't own Twilight.**

**Me: Can I own Jacob then?**

**Disclaimer: What? Why?**

**Me: He seems like he needs to be corrupted... and I could help.**

**Disclaimer: No, Jacob is Mrs. Meyer's.**

**Me: ...Well that f*cking sucks.**

**I went to the movies Thursday night at 12 a.m. and saw New Moon! Oh my god! I freakin' loved it! :D Who else did?**

**Favs/Reviews/Alerts are all appreciate!**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot – Bella**

**DoIDazzleU – Edward**

**ICanCU – Alice**

**IxFeelxYou – Jasper**

**HearMeRoar – Emmett**

**SoHawt – Rosalie**

**DrShizzle – Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy – Esme**

**OffTheLeash – Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM – Samantha, Me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hi, Eddie-kins!**

**DoIDazzleU: Hello, il mio amore.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Amore? Silly, Edward. I'm not a wardrobe.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella... I said amore not armoire.**

**HearMeRoar: Aren't they the same thing?**

**MsFallsAlot: Exactly.**

**DoIDazzleU: What?**

**MsFallsAlot: Are you calling me fat?**

**DoIDazzleU: No! I'm not! I called-**

**MsFallsAlot: It's my ass, Edward! All mine! And I don't see why you even care, it's not like you even touch it!**

**HearMeRoar: Oooo. Sizzle and burn, like a freakin' piece of bacon.**

**DoIDazzleU: Stay out of this, Emmett.**

**MsFallsAlot: What Edward? Are you afraid to let people know we haven't been sexual? Huh? Is that it?**

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: Edward have you seen my scarf? I need it to look sexy, my look isn't completed without it.**

**MsFallsAlot: WE AREN'T SEXUAL, CARLISLE! THAT'S RIGHT, I'M A TEENAGER WITH NEEDS THAT EDWARD IGNORES! YOU KNOW WHAT, EDWARD!? NOT ALL OF US CAN TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES WITH ONE LITTLE TUG!**

**DrShizzle: *stunned* Um, you know what? I bet Esme has it.**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella, this is getting out of hand-**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: That's what she said!**

**DoIDazzleU: -Your name is what she said!**

**ICanCU: *vampire shock* Holy Taco Hell and all it's beefy glory! Edward made a that's what she said joke!**

**MsFallsAlot: Boo freakin' who! It's all about Edward, isn't it? Why can't it be about me!?**

**HearMeRoar: Oh shut the fudge up, bitch. It is all about you!**

**MsFallsAlot: Excuse me, Papa Bear?**

**HearMeRoar: You read what I typed, human! The whole series is written in your point of view!**

**MsFallsAlot: Not part of Breaking Dawn!**

**ICanCU: *starts freaking out* How do you know about Breaking Dawn?**

**DoIDazzleU: Who doesn't know about Breaking Dawn? It was one of the biggest let-downs ever.**

**HearMeRoar: You just say that because there wasn't any chapters describing you and Bella making love.**

**DoIDazzleU: Hell yeah! What the f*ck is "fade to black" suppose to mean!?**

**MsFallsAlot: I bet the sex sucked and that's why it was cut out.**

**ICanCU: It's a good thing you guys love each other so much...**

**HearMeRoar: I don't think love is enough to make up for that. *glances at Edward's non-existent nads***

**DoIDazzleU: *sees Emmett* Are you checking me out?**

**HearMeRoar: What?**

**DoIDazzleU: You so are.**

**HearMeRoar: No, I'm not.**

**DoIDazzleU: Then quit looking at my goods.**

**MsFallsAlot: Can I look at your goods?**

**DoIDazzleU: No, it's not Christmas yet.**

**MsFallsAlot: What does Christmas have to do with this?**

**DoIDazzleU: I have to know whether you've been a naughty or nice.**

**MsFallsAlot: *attempts to be seductive* I've been naughty, Santa.**

**DoIDazzleU: HOE! HOE! HOE!**

**MsFallsAlot: What!? I just want to make love to you! WHY CAN'T I MAKE LOVE TO YOU!? *sobs***

**DoIDazzleU: Bella you're confusing me. Are you mad or sad?**

**MsFallsAlot: BOTH! DAMN YOU, MY FROZEN YOGURT OF IMMORTALITY! Why must I only be allowed one emotion!? What the hell did I do to you!?**

**ICanCU: You've had an affair with me... you tried to cheat with Rose. You admitted to liking Jasper. You almost slept with Jacob-**

**MsFallsAlot: I GET IT! I'M A MAN-WHORE!**

**ICanCU: Bella's a man? Since when?**

**HearMeRoar: *looks at twit pic* Bella is most definitely not a man.**

**DoIDazzleU: *growls at Emmett***

**HearMeRoar: Sorry buddy, guess you're going to have to get use to-**

**ICanCU: THERE ARE LADIES PRESENT! NO FOUL LANGUAGE!**

**HearMeRoar: -... kittens. You will have to get used to kittens.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm a man-whore because I liked men, duh! *flips hair and does a Jessica Stanley pose***

**ICanCU: No, honey... that's called a slut.**

**HearMeRoar: I know what Jessica Stanley would do for a Klondike bar. Hehehe.**

**DoIDazzleU: *shudders* So does all Youtubers.**

**MsFallsAlot: I don't get it... what would she do for a Klondike bar?**

**ICanCU: Emmett, what wouldn't she do for a Klondike bar?**

**MsFallsAlot: I don't get it!**

**HearMeRoar: The bitch likes her chocolate, Bella! Sheesh, now go stab yourself and quit buggin'.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Emmett! Do not talk to Bella that way!**

**HearMeRoar: I was just joking, Edward. Bella can't be that stupid.**

**ICanCU: You don't think she'd really?**

**DoIDazzleU: You're the one who sees the future, oh wise one.**

**HearMeRoar: Ooo! Give me a nickname!**

**ICanCU: Yeah, I *cough* see *cough* the future...**

**DoIDazzleU: I nickname you Bear Bait because you were attacked by a bear. *laughs***

**HearMeRoar: Oh yeah? Well I nickname you Aro's bitch because you are!**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: I have a bad feeling about Bella, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: You don't actually think I'm Aro's bitch, do you?**

**ICanCU: Edward, we need to go check on Bella.**

**DoIDazzleU: Do I look like a bitch? I mean I always tried to go for the sexy beast look...**

**ICanCU: Edward! Code 28347 Part A!**

**DoIDazzleU: Emmett told Bella to go stab herself and she might actually do it? But instead of saving her I'm trying to figure out how sexy I am? Have we gotten to the part where I decided whether I could form a three-some with Aro and Bella?**

**ICanCU: *shudders* No.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh, well do you think I could? It'd be hot- well, cold. But, still you know what I mean.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Right. Time to save my Clumsy Coco Puff! *spins and changes into batman costume***

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**I've been getting a lot of positive feedback from the polls. So far many of you are questioning my sanity for even wondering if I should end this story soon; just a couple of you wouldn't mind me ending it soon. Well I appreciate it and I'm going to keep the poll up for awhile.**

**Thank you for to all the readers(; You guys are awesome.**

**Much love,**

**Sam**


	23. Emmett Likes To Google

**Disclaimer: Bitches, Stephie owns this shiz.**

**Me: Word.**

**Disclaimer: Ooo. Can I have a hint?**

**Me: What?**

**Disclaimer: You said word... I thought we were playing a word game...**

**Me: You just ruined the coolness.**

**Disclaimer: *sobs***

* * *

**Sceen names:**

**MsFallsAlot – Bella**

**DoIDazzleU – Edward**

**ICanCU – Alice**

**IxFeelxYou – Jasper**

**SoHawt – Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar – Emmett**

**DrShizzle – Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy – Esme**

**OffTheLeash – Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM – Samantha, Me**

* * *

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Greetings, brothers.**

**HearMeRoar: ...**

**DoIDazzleU: Salutations, Jasper.**

**HearMeRoar: Holy sh*t. What the hell is going on?**

**IxFeelxYou: What do you mean, Em?**

**HearMeRoar: You guys are talking like you've been possessed by Clay Aiken and Charles Dickens.**

**DoIDazzleU: Why must you always knock Clay Aiken?**

**HearMeRoar: Because your his BIGGEST fan.**

**IxFeelxYou: *snorts* He was.**

**HearMeRoar: Remember that, Edward? You making that video tape for Clay Aiken... oh god, that was hilarous.**

**DoIDazzle: *broods* Shut up.**

**IxFeelxYou: The saddest part is Clay never replied.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh he replied all right.**

**HearMeRoar: He did!? What did he say!?**

**DoIDazzleU: I turned him gay.**

**IxFeelxYou: Whoa, you're the reason he lost American Idol? I just thought he always was in the closet.**

**DoIDazzleU: Nope... I jerked him in and threw him out.**

**HearMeRoar: *laughing* Sorry, sorry! That just sounded so sexual!**

**DoIDazzleU: In conclusion, I'm not possessed by Clay Aiken.**

**HearMeRoar: And you expect me to believe that greetings and salutations is used daily?**

**DoIDazzleU: That depends. Do you believe it?**

**HearMeRoar: Yeah, in the 1950s. Wait... nope I just Googled it. Greetings dated back before the twelfth century and salutations dates back to the fourteenth century.**

**IxFeelxYou: And what did all that research prove?**

**HearMeRoar: One, you guys are dorks. And two, Google is f*cking AMAZING!**

**DoIDazzleU: You are a disgrace to the vampire race.**

**HearMeRoar: So are you.**

**DoIDazzleU: How am I a disgrace? I don't use Google.**

**IxFeelxYou: You told Bella to Google adrenaline rush-**

**DoIDazzleU: IN THE MOVIE! Sheesh! In the book, Bella is very shy and naïve and then in the movie she's on heroin and in her undies and stuff. *drools over mental image***

**HearMeRoar: *cough, cough* Uh, yeah back to Emmett, please? Edward's a disgrace to the vampire race because he is still a virgin.**

**DoIDazzleU: I used to be gay. Does that not count?**

**HearMeRoar: No, not really. I don't get much sex from Rosie and it's not fair if you and Jasper are off getting sexy with it whenever you feel like it. Women are tougher creatures.**

**IxFeelxYou: *glares* Edward and I are not getting sexy with it.**

**DoIDazzleU: We aren't? I mean... we aren't. *hand twitches***

**IxFeelxYou: Don't you dare pour water down your face. You'll ruin the facade.**

**DoIDazzleU: The facade? Wasn't that ruined the moment you said we had one up?**

**IxFeelxYou: Emmett is an exceptionally stupid vampire. For god sakes, he tried eating Bella's peanut butter! He knew that we didn't eat human food. He's known for seventy-four years!**

**DoIDazzleU: I think you're too hard on him.**

**HearMeRoar: Um, I'm right here. I'm not that stupid.**

**IxFeelxYou: Don't make any sudden movements.**

**HearMeRoar: C'mon guys. You can't think I'm really that stupid. I know about the second affair, ha. Second time the charm?**

**DoIDazzleU: F*ck, we've been spotted.**

**IxFeelxYou: Run like hell?**

**DoIDazzleU: From Bella? Heh, c'mon Jazz, she's slower than Lauren Mallory on a blow job.**

**IxFeelxYou: I wasn't talking about Bella...**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh hell.**

**ICanCU: YOU GUYS ARE TOAST! TOAST THAT ESME MADE THAT'S BEEN SENT TO HELL AND BACK! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU'RE GOING TO BE BURNT, BITCHES! **

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Once again, Emmett is left. As long as I'm here I might as advertised my new book.**

**HearMeRoar: *clears throat* Alright, it's called Emmett's Adventures. You pronounce it like EH-MY-NET ADD-VEI-NE-TURE-S. It makes it sound fancy and sexy, mmhmm.**

**HearMeRoar: Clearly, as the title states it's about my daily adventures. Things I do daily... breaking Esme's vases, breaking Rose's bed, breaking Edward's piano, etc, etc, etc. Lots of breaking... not lots of fixing though. I'm not much of a handy-man. Heh, that's what she said, wait did that even make sense?**

**HearMeRoar: I'll also include some of my favorite jokes. Like this on I heard off of TV last night. I rode into town on an ass... YO MAMA'S ASS!**

**HearMeRoar: ... It's funnier when you can see my face...**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt: Emmett, what the hell are you doing?**

**HearMeRoar: WHAT? Nothing.**

**SoHawt: Honey, I've been reading over your shoulder since Edward and Jasper announced their second affair.**

**HearMeRoar: Maybe Stephanie Meyer should have just made them a canon couple.**

**SoHawt: I doubt she would. Who have you been talking to anyway?**

**HearMeRoar: Boo.**

**SoHawt: Boo who?**

**HearMeRoar: Aw, babe don't cry. *laughs***

**SoHawt: ... That was so lame.**

**HearMeRoar: Olive.**

**SoHawt: What?**

**HearMeRoar: You say olive who.**

**SoHawt: *sighs defeated* Olive who?**

**HearMeRoar: Olive you!**

**SoHawt: Olive you?**

**HearMeRoar: Yes, get it? I love you? Olive you?**

**SoHawt: Hey, I've got one!**

**HearMeRoar: Really!? Okay!**

**SoHawt: Knock, knock!**

**HearMeRoar: Who's there?  
**

**SoHawt: Rose.**

**HearMeRoar: Rose who...?**

**SoHawt: Rose whose gonna kick your ass if you don't logged out of the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Hmm... I've never heard that one before.**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: OUCH! Damn it, Rose! You're going to hurt Weeman!**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Sorry if it's lame guys, I'm pulling an all nighter and it's nearly 4 a.m. right now. **

**Poll's still up, vote if you like(:**

**I love you, guys.**

**And I hate insomnia.**

**-Sam**


	24. Bella Fights For Fruits

**Disclaimer: You may want to kick Samantha's ass-**

**Me: Or maybe not... because you know that would be nice...**

**Disclaimer: -because she has somehow been distracted-**

**Me: HOT GUY!**

**Disclaimer: -for the past WEEK AND A HALF-**

**Me: He's warm too...**

**Disclaimer: -anyway, she apologies and is now presenting you with the next chapter.**

**Me: WOOHOO! Let's do this thing.**

**Disclaimer: She doesn't own Twilight!**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot – Bella**

**DoIDazzleU – Edward**

**ICanCU – Alice**

**IxFeelxYou – Jasper**

**SoHawt – Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar – Emmett**

**DrShizzle – Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy – Esme**

**OffTheLeash – Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM – Samantha, Me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Good morning, my love. *bats eyelashes at Bella's screen name***

**ICanCU: Gag me, it's going to be another one of those days.**

**MsFallsAlot: Where the hell is Emmett!?**

**ICanCU: I sit corrected, heh, get it?**

**DoIDazzleU: Excuse me?**

**ICanCU: *hangs head in shame* You didn't get it.**

**MsFallsAlot: Don't get an attitude with me, Mr. Sparkle Pants. Where the hell is your brother!?**

**DoIDazzleU: He's hunting. Is something wrong, love?**

**MsFallsAlot: HE REPLACED MY MILK WITH ORANGE JUICE!**

**DoIDazzleU: Are you diabetic? Can you not have juices-**

**ICanCU: Heh, juices. I'm sure she's not diabetic, after all she did love my fruit cocktail, if you know what I mean... *wink, wink***

**DoIDazzleU: *death glare***

**ICanCU: You look like a frightened boy about to be raped by some Catholic priests when you do that...**

**MsFallsAlot: EDWARD. I AM A STRONG BELIEVER IN FRUITS.**

**DoIDazzleU: What?**

**ICanCU: She believes in you!**

**MsFallsAlot: I believe in a world where fruits and people can hold hands and live in peace with one another.**

**DoIDazzleU: ... Bella, fruits don't have hands...**

**ICanCU: Yes, you do.**

**MsFallsAlot: And it's that kind of attitude that the F.F.F.'s trying to stop.**

**DoIDazzleU: The F.F.F.?**

**MsFallsAlot: Freedom for Fruits.**

**DoIDazzleU: You do realize you sound like you're mentally unstable?**

**ICanCU: You're just now noticing? Seriously, Edward?**

**MsFallsAlot: *ignores* The main point here is, eighteen oranges had to die to make that orange juice and that is unacceptable.**

**DoIDazzleU: But you've eaten an apple before, Bella! I saw you!**

**MsFallsAlot: That was before I pledged to F.F.F.**

**DoIDazzleU: ... Monkeys eat bananas.**

**MsFallsAlot: *creepy voice* Which is why I must kill them.**

**DoIDazzleU: What!?**

**MsFallsAlot: What?**

**ICanCU: ...What!? Sorry, momentarily distracted.**

**DoIDazzleU: You can't kill every animal that hunts a fruit, Bella. It would take forever.**

**MsFallsAlot: Which is why you're changing me.**

**DoIDazzleU: I-I thought y-you wanted to be with m-me f-f-forever... I-I thought that's w-why you we're going t-to change? *grabs nearest liquid and pours down face***

**MsFallsAlot: Please tell me that wasn't juice...**

**DoIDazzleU: ... That wasn't juice...?**

**MsFallsAlot: You're lying aren't you?**

**DoIDazzleU: No, no. I-I'm telling the truth!**

**ICanCU: It was prune juice!**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: Prune juice...?**

**DoIDazzleU: Now, Bella-**

**MsFallsAlot: Prune juice.**

**DoIDazzleU: -I can assure you, nobody enjoys-**

**MsFallsAlot: PRUNE JUICE!? MY GRAN LOVED HER PRUNE JUICE! NOTHING HELPED HER COLAN CLEAN LIKE A TALL, COLD GLASS OF PRUNES!**

**DoIDazzleU: I understand you're upset-**

**MsFallsAlot: No, I don't think you do.**

**DoIDazzleU: -Bella, quit being so melodramatic, it's just a damn fruit.**

**MsFallsAlot: You know who else is a damn fruit!?**

**DoIDazzleU: That's a low blow, Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm sure you liked it though. You love low blows, especially from Jasper!**

**DoIDazzleU: Isabella, you're way out of line! I will not be treated like this! I just want to make you feel better and you're being a complete bitch to me.**

**MsFallsAlot: ... Did you just call me a bitch?**

**DoIDazzleU: ...Oh my god, Bella! I didn't mean it.**

**MsFallsAlot: YOU SON OF A NUTCRACKER! I OUTTA STAB YOU WITH MY CANDY CANE!**

**DoIDazzleU: Please, Bella. Forgive me, love.**

**MsFallsAlot: No, suck it.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: *hangs head in shame like Alice* Time to write a new song, it'll be called "I Called Bella A Bitch And She Told Me To Suck It", but everybody else will think it's "Part Of That New Song Edward's Composing For No Reason".**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**As to not be a bitch again, I'll go ahead and say, _I don't know_ when I'll update again.**

**Trust me, it'll be something around my Christmas vacation, I just don't know when.**

**I have not forgotten this story(:**

**Thank you for the reviews/favs/alerts(:**

**Much love,**

**Sam**

**PS: Readers that waited this out, you're AWESOME! You all deserve some prune juice... okay screw prune juice, candy canes! You all deserve candy canes!**

**PSS: I got a new boyfriend! (:**

**PSS: This wasn't to offend anybody and if it did, my apologies.**


	25. Aro Is Drenched In Whip Cream

**Disclaimer: The only place she'll wanna be is where it's okay for piracy!**

**Me: The only place I wanna be is where it's okay for piracy!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight her up and don't you stop**

**Me: Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight her up and don't you stop!**

**Me: Yes, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!**

**Disclaimer: Oh no no, Twilight doesn't belong to yo.**

**Me: But everybody knows I would take off my clothes, just for the copyrights I would too!**

**(played with Christmas Tree by Lady Gaga featuring Space Cowboy)**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot – Bella**

**DoIDazzleU – Edward**

**ICanCU – Alice**

**IxFeelxYou – Jasper**

**SoHawt – Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar – Emmett**

**DrShizzle – Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy – Esme**

**OffTheLeash – Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM – Samantha, Me**

* * *

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I've called you all here for a meeting.**

**ICanCU: What about Carlisle-**

**DoIDazzleU: He was busy-**

**ICanCU: Esme?**

**DoIDazzleU: She was too-**

**ICanCU: Rose-**

**DoIDazzleU: Shut up, Alice. **

**ICanCU: I just don't see why they aren't here, this is a meeting isn't it?  
**

**IxFeelxYou: Alice honey, I think he only wants to discuss this with us for a reason.**

**ICanCU: But why only us?**

**DoIDazzleU: Maybe if you'd shut your freakin' mouth you'd find out!**

**HearMeRoar: I bet this has something to do with Bella. And seeing how mad you are, obviously you didn't get laid.**

**DoIDazzleU: Why do you obsess over my sex life!?**

**HearMeRoar: I'm Emmett, it's what I do.**

**IxFeelxYou: Technically Emmett in the books never was overly sexed up, but when it comes to the many Twilight Fanfiction writers they portray him as a sex-crazed idiot...**

**HearMeRoar: It hurts my feelings...**

**IxFeelxYou: Let it out buddy.**

**DoIDazzleU: ...Um, this chapter's about me.... so let's stop talking about Emmett, he's going to end up in the discard pile with Leah anyways.**

**IxFeelxYou: Alright, I've got Alice so loopy she won't be able to ask anymore questions.**

**DoIDazzleU: Thank you, Jasper. You see the other day I lost my temper with Bella and-**

**HearMeRoar: Did you finally eat her? Did she taste good?**

**DoIDazzleU: No, I did not eat her! What...? Just let me finish, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: Fine, and by the way that's what she said.**

**IxFeelxYou: Then she must be Rose.**

**HearMeRoar: Ha, good one, my brother.**

**DoIDazzleU: -anyways, I lost my temper and I accidentally called her a bitch.**

**IxFeelxYou: ....Is that it?**

**ICanCU: UNICORNS ARE TALKING TO BANANAS IN ALASKA!**

**HearMeRoar: It's about time somebody set her straight. I mean, c'mon Eddie, she's been doing this shiz where she likes you then runs off to somebody else, then comes back to you, it's so annoying.**

**DoIDazzleU: She's just confused.**

**HearMeRoar: No, confused is when you try and escape the Volturi castle and end up in the same room with Aro whose drenched in whip cream, that's confused. This is Bella trying to rebel against you like any teenager would do to their parent.**

**DoIDazzleU: But I'm not her parent...**

**IxFeelxYou: You act like her parent.**

**DoIDazzleU: No, I don't.**

**HearMeRoar: Yes, you do.**

**DoIDazzleU: No, I don't!**

**IxFeelxYou: Let me give you a scenario and you tell me what you'd do...**

**DoIDazzleU: Fine.**

**IxFeelxYou: I was play fighting with Bella after she's changed and she got knocked into a tree.**

**ICanCU: JASPER'S A SEXY BEAST!**

**DoIDazzleU: First off, Bella won't be changed-**

**IxFeelxYou: Alice has already seen it.**

**HearMeRoar: And Bella seems to really want to be changed, Ed. I'm sure she'll get her way.**

**DoIDazzleU: Fine, even if she changes *cring* she wouldn't be playing with Jasper.**

**IxFeelxYou: Why not?**

**DoIDazzleU: It'd be too dangerous.**

**IxFeelxYou: ...For who?**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella- I mean-**

**IxFeelxYou: Nope, case closed. The results are in!**

**HearMeRoar: Congratulations, Edward, it's a girl.**

**IxFeelxYou: Tell me, Edward, how's it feel to be compared to Charlie?**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: I'm going to go tease him some more.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Alice honey? You still here?**

**ICanCU: I feel funny.**

**IxFeelxYou: You probably-**

**ICanCU: Jasper Hale! Why do I feel stupid?**

**IxFeelxYou: ...I don't know, but do you know what I think you should go do?**

**ICanCU: I'm not Bella's Frozen Yogurt of Immortality, so no.**

**IxFeelxYou: I think you should go shopping and buy Bella a new red shirt.**

**ICanCU: ...Why?**

**IxFeelxYou: No reason. *shuts Eclipse***

**ICanCU: Alright then, will you come too?**

**IxFeelxYou: You know, I would love too-**

**ICanCU: Good, come to me my Southern Comfort.**

**IxFeelxYou: But-**

**ICanCU: Now.**

**IxFeelxYou: *pulls an Alice* Fine.**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

* * *

******Just so you know pulling an Alice will now be when you hang your head in shame, like she did in Chapter 24.**

**I want to thank everybody who reviewed/favorite-d/alerted this story.**

**As promised, I did update during the vacation. Unfortunately I do not know when I will update again, although I will try to start updating weekends again. Try is the key word there, my lovelies.**

**Also, if you read Visions of the Dead and happen to read this story as well, I am trying to work on that story as well, it takes more time to come up with chapters than this one. The same thing that I wrote above for this story goes for this one as well.**

**Happy Holidays and Merry Belated Christmas(:**

**-Sam**


	26. Just Apologize

**Disclaimer: So in this chapter, there's a lot of fudge up shiz.**

**Me: A lot.**

**Disclaimer: I mean, Samantha demented the characters so much, it'll leave you going "what the hell?".**

**Me: It might.**

**Disclaimer: And I doubt S. Meyer would do that to her own characters.**

**Me: Exactly.**

**Disclaimer: Samantha doesn't own the Twilight saga.**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot – Bella**

**DoIDazzleU – Edward**

**ICanCU – Alice**

**IxFeelxYou – Jasper**

**SoHawt – Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar – Emmett**

**DrShizzle – Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy – Esme**

**OffTheLeash – Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM – Samantha, Me**

* * *

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**SoHawt has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Honey! You actually logged in!?**

**SoHawt: *grumbles* Yeah.**

**HearMeRoar: I'm so glad, then we'll get to play!**

**SoHawt: I'd rather not play, I suck at games.**

**HearMeRoar: Oh don't be such a Bella.**

**SoHawt: Do NOT even compare me to that clumsy f*cking bitch!**

**HearMeRoar: Put away the claws, babe.**

**SoHawt: *glares* Fine, I'm prettier right?**

**HearMeRoar: Absolutely. Now can we play?**

**SoHawt: What are we playing?**

**HearMeRoar: We're role playing!**

**SoHawt: We do that in the bedroom, Em.**

**HearMeRoar: Nah, this isn't sexual role play. This kind of role playing is just for fun.**

**SoHawt: ...**

**HearMeRoar: Okay, I'm going to be Hans Solo and you can be Princess Leia-**

**SoHawt has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: -Another time then...**

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Bella?**

**MsFallsAlot: Aha! I found you, you little mother-**

**HearMeRoar: No, that was one time and Esme was really sexually frustrated.**

**MsFallsAlot: *stunned* Um, wow, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: Too much?**

**MsFallsAlot: Yeah.**

**HearMeRoar: Then I would just tuck that little nugget away in that head of yours.**

**MsFallsAlot: Will do.**

**HearMeRoar: So why am I a motherf*cker?**

**MsFallsAlot: Oh yeah.... YOU PUT JUICE IN MY FRIDGE!**

**HearMeRoar: *Jedi Mind Trick* I didn't put the juice in your fridge.**

**MsFallsAlot: You didn't put the juice in my fridge.**

**HearMeRoar: I'm a sexy beast.**

**MsFallsAlot: You're a sexy beast.**

**HearMeRoar: These aren't the droids you're looking for.**

**MsFallsAlot: These aren't the- Wait, what the hell!? This isn't Star Wars.**

**HearMeRoar: Look, I thought you'd just appreciate some juice.**

**MsFallsAlot: Well you thought wrong. I don't like juice.**

**HearMeRoar: Really? Because Alice said something about fruit cocktails.**

**MsFallsAlot: Um, yeah I dunno about that.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh thank... Satan?**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Yeah, I dunno on that one. **

**DoIDazzleU: Bella! I'm so sorry!**

**MsFallsAlot: *ignores* I'm still waiting for an apology, Emmett.**

**HearMeRoar: Then waiting you shall do, because I'm not apologizing.**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh c'mon, Em. Just apologize!**

**HearMeRoar: No, I was sweet and brought Bella some juice because I heard she wasn't feeling well.**

**DoIDazzleU: *over protective mode* What's wrong!? Are you sick!? Did you hurt yourself!? Is it the *deep scary voice* Influenza?**

**MsFallsAlot: Somebody please stop his worrying! Alice get *theme music* Jasper the Emotion Man!**

**ICanCU: You got it, boss. *scampers off***

**MsFallsAlot: Such a doting squirrel-ly midget.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: WHAT THE HELL!? This "force"-**

**HearMeRoar: *starts humming the Star Wars theme***

**IxFeelxYou: -that keeps pulling me into this chatroom is creepy.**

**ICanCU: Wow, you're already here, Jasper! I thought I was going to have to persuade you with Edward porn- oh my god, Bella Swan! I am not a squirrel-ly midget!**

**DoIDazzleU: You still have that stuff?**

**ICanCU: It's vintage.**

**MsFallsAlot: Jasper, please make Edward quit worrying and if you could make Emmett guilty, he needs to apologize.**

**IxFeelxYou: What's in it for me?**

**MsFallsAlot: Edward.**

**IxFeelxYou: Are you f*cking me?**

**MsFallsAlot: I wish.**

**IxFeelxYou: What?**

**MsFallsAlot: Yes, you'll get Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: What? You can't just do this to me! I'm not your property!**

**MsFallsAlot: Shut up, my bitch!**

**DoIDazzleU: *bows head* Yes, pimp master.**

**HearMeRoar: Whoa, I think I'm in some weird fantasy world... is this Hell?**

**IxFeelxYou: *ignores Emmett* Deal! *spits on hand and presses it to the monitor***

**MsFallsAlot: Eh...**

**IxFeelxYou: Do it.**

**MsFallsAlot: But-**

**IxFeelxYou: DO IT!**

**MsFallsAlot: *licks hand and presses it to monitor* Deal.**

**IxFeelxYou: Woohoo! It's been a fun Alice, but now I can go gay again! Yeah! I'm going to go break out my hair extensions. Come along, Eddie-kins!**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: *mouths call me to Bella's screen name***

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom,**

**ICanCU: *glares at Bella's screen name* YOU BITCH! JAZZY-POOOOOOO! *dry sobs***

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Wow. I so was going to apologize, but now I realize that you're really just a bitch.**

**MsFallsAlot: It's because I'm on my period.**

**HearMeRoar: Note to self: Do not trust something that can bleed for seven days and not die.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: ... I wonder if we've got some chocolate around here...**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Review/Fav/Alert. It's all appreciated(;**

**And thank you, my lovelies.**

**You guys are great!**

**PS: Gonna keep trying to update every weekend, we'll see what happens though.**

**-Sam**


	27. Would You Steal A Kidney From Obama

**Samantha: Hi, everybody.**

**Disclaimer: ... Oh, you're back?**

**Samantha: Well, yeah...**

**Disclaimer: Nobody cares.**

**Samantha: But-**

**Disclaimer: Shut up and write. Stephie owns Twilight, not Samantha.**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**SuPaStArSaM has entered the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Alright my little demented bitches, where are yoooou?**

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy has entered the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Why isn't Rose, Em, and Jake logging on?**

**MsFallsAlot: Well I know Jacob is with the pack having a "meeting".**

**IxFeelxYou: Yes, it was a very urgent "meeting". *winks at Edward***

**SuPaStArSaM: "Meeting"?**

**DoIDazzleU: "Meeting". *runs into closet to hide from Jasper***

**SuPaStArSaM: Okay, what the hell?**

**ICanCU: They needed to discuss things, doggy style.**

**SuPaStArSaM: So our doggy likes to play with "loggies"? What happened to him wanting to bang Bella?**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm a tease, apparently.**

**ICanCU: She is a tease.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm sorry, was I asking you?**

**IcanCU: No? I was giving my opinion?**

**MsFallsAlot: Nobody cares, you're a mythical creature. Like a unicorn. Nobody f*cking cares about Charlie the Unicorn. They stole his kidney. Know why? Because he's got no respect. Would you steal a kidney from Obama? Hellz no, he'd put you on your ass.**

**SuPaStArSaM: ... So does Jacob like "logs" now?**

**IxFeelxYou: They all enjoy "logs", especially in their mouths, chewing on them, they're very dirty- *calls out to Edward***

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Okay, I could have lived without knowing that. What about Rose and Em?**

**DrShizzle: ... Really, Sam? Really?**

**SuPaStArSaM: Yeah, really.**

**DrShizzle: Oh c'mon. You're the one who demented us! You should know that they're always getting freaky!**

**DoIDazzleU: Oh f*ck, he found me...**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom off.**

**SuPaStArSaM: It's been months, I forgot!**

**DrShizzle: We know! You forgot all about us and went off, just like you said you wouldn't! *dry sobs* I was raped! Raped by a computer virus! But you didn't care! You watched it happen!**

**MsFallsAlot: I was raped by a grape once...**

**SuPaStArSaM: Okay, those are great stories, but seriously-**

**DrShizzle: ... YOU BITCH!**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Touchy.**

**ICanCU: We all are, I mean, I've had to put up with Gay Jay-Jasper for the past couple of months... and it's not been easy waiting... I mean, Samantha, you took a great story and twisted it until you got this story, I'm not knocking you, but... if you're going to hurt us, don't wait months before you heal the wounds... we're all a little hurt by you.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm not...**

**ICanCU: I just made a great speech and you had to ruin it, just like my sex life.**

**MsFallsAlot: This story was made for the lolz and shiz, and you're totally turning this into a sob story. Sorry Alice, but nobody cares.**

**ICanCU: You're a jerk.**

**MsFallsAlot: I know! *starts dancing like a stereotypical white girl* *falls on face***

**ICanCU: Ha, I saw that, right now, in my head. And because I've got vampy mind tricks I can replay it over one hundred times before you can reply.**

**MsFallsAlot: Bitch, I will CUT you.**

**ICanCU: Really, Bella? Really.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Cut it out, not literally, but you know what I mean, like stop? Let's just calm down.**

**ICanCU: NO! I hate Bella! I hate this story! And I miss my Jazz. Suck it bitches.**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: She has a "log" now?**

**MsFallsAlot: I guess... *shrug***

**RUMyMommy: Well, this is officially the worst Mother's Day ever...**

**MsFallsAlot: Hey, Esme... I know that you and Emmett... well, ya know, bow chicka wow wow-ed. And if you want... *winks* I could help you out, babe.**

**RUMyMommy: ...**

**SuPaStArSaM: Wow, Bella... you just reached a new low.**

**MsFallsAlot: I don't mind reaching low... especially for sagging-**

**SuPaStArSaM: *throws up***

**RUMyMommy: Oh my Bella, I'm not sure what to say...**

**MsFallsAlot: How about yes?**

**RUMyMommy: ... What the hell. C'mere tiger.**

**RUMyMommy has logged off.**

**MsFallsAlot: HELL YES! She is a TOTAL MILF!**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: ... What have I done?**

**SuPaStArSaM has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Oh my gosh, guys. I missed you so much! I had absolutely nothing to do and started looking at these stories and figured to stop procrastinating and just write one for fun.**

**I know, I'm rusty, give me some time guys, maybe I ll get back into swing with it.**

**Anyways, I want you to know, I do not know when I'll be updating again, and as for my other story, I dunno about that one either.**

**Thank you so much for all your support, guys.**

**And Happy Mother's Day!**

**Love ya,**

**Sam**


	28. Seven Sounds Fabulous

**Samantha: My twilight high, I'm happy when you're fulfilling me.**

**Disclaimer: You're everything I see and everything I need.**

**Samantha: These fanfictions will make our social lives die.**

**Disclaimer: Well that's better than copyright scares.**

**(played to Kandyland by BrokeNCYDE)**

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: *twirls hair* Hi, Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: Hey, baby. *winks***

**RUMyMommy: *giggles* Was I good last night? You left in a rush...**

**MsFallsAlot: You were amazing. I could have scissored you all night.**

**RUMyMommy: Maybe you could come over tonight and I'll give you something to cut. *wink***

**MsFallsAlot: Oh God, Esme. You know I would too, but I've got to study...**

**RUMyMommy: I'll help you study.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm not taking anatomy this semester.**

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: *giggles* You're so bad.**

**DrShizzle: Esme?**

**MsFallsAlot: F*ck! *eyes get wide***

**RUMyMommy: I mean... BAD BELLA! You know you're not allowed to eat my cookies before dinner.**

**MsFallsAlot: Can I lick your cookies?**

**RUMyMommy: No. Save some for Charlie.**

**MsFallsAlot: You want my father and me to eat your cookies? *vomits***

**DrShizzle: Er, I was just going to ask where my scarf is...**

**RUMyMommy: Why must you always loose that damned thing?**

**DrShizzle: Oh, found it. It was under Trojan Horse's bed. Must have been there since he raped me... *dry sobs***

**RUMyMommy: *sighs* There, there, Carlisle.**

**MsFallsAlot: *drinks ginger ale* Carlisle, nobody cares.**

**DrShizzle: W-What? *sniffle***

**MsFallsAlot: You're milking this cow for all its worth... and it's time to realize your cow is dry.**

**DrShizzle: ... What the hell? I don't understand the hick analogy...**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: *jealous stare at Esme's screen name* Bella. We need to talk. Now.**

**RUMyMommy: *protective growl* No! I don't want to talking to my Bella.**

**DrShizzle: Your Bella?**

**RUMyMommy: My Bella.**

**ICanCU: *sighs in defeat* Her Bella.**

**MsFallsAlot: I'm Bella! Yay!**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle: I don't understand... Esme... we've been together over two hundred years!**

**DoIDazzleU: Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce? *lips trembles* *pulls an Edward with ranch dressing***

**ICanCU: Ranch dressing?**

**DoIDazzleU: Jasper. *shudders***

**ICanCU: Jazzy-poo! *dry sobs***

**DrShizzle: Jasper! *light-bulb moment***

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: He can't see me like this! I'm wearing sweatpants! **

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou: Can I not play one round of Mortal Combat before you guys use the "force" to bring me here! You're all so selfish!**

**DrShizzle: I need your Powers de Country.**

**IxFeelxYou: De? Why are you talking in Spanish?**

**DrShizzle: Tu culo se va a sentir dolor si no se traduce de que!**

**IxFeelxYou: I think I'd enjoy that more than you'd want.**

**DrShizzle: ...Where did I go wrong? *dry sobs***

**IxFeelxYou: The hick analogy *rolls eyes* translates out to Bella basically saying you're trying to make everybody pity you because you were raped by Trojan Horse... and it's gotten to the point now that nobody really cares...**

**MsFallsAlot: Si! What now, perras! I know Spanish too!**

**RUMyMommy: That's my girl!**

**DoIDazzleU: *sigh* That used to be my girl...**

**IxFeelxYou: Hey! You love me now!**

**DoIDazzleU: But my heart will always belong to Bella...**

**IxFeelxYou: Then... WE'RE OVER. *rips out hair extensions***

**DoIDazzleU: It's me, Jasper. It's not you.**

**IxFeelxYou: I know that it's YOU. That's why I'm dropping YOU. Alice and I were meant to be. You just gave me more reason. Good luck explaining that small deck to Bella!**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: It's okay, Edward. I understand about your little problem...**

**DoIDazzleU: You... do?**

**MsFallsAlot: Yeah, you have a small deck, but that's okay! I don't go outside much!**

**DoIDazzleU: Er... okay?**

**MsFallsAlot: I don't need a big deck to be happy. I mean, what would I do with a big deck anyways? I would just waste money on patio furniture and huge, obnoxious plants.**

**DoIDazzleU: Um, Bella, I think you've got the wrong-**

**MsFallsAlot: -Also, I've realized something... I love you. I guess that's what I've been searching for. You know, I never had time to explore my other options before we got together... And now, it's like I have. So I've decided that I want you back, Eddie-kins. If you'll take me, that is.**

**DoIDazzleU: *vampire shock***

**RUMyMommy: *vampire shock***

**DrShizzle: Hah, bitch, you're stuck with me. Peace.**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: *comes out of vampire shock* But, but... SAMANTHA! WHAT THE F*CK!**

**SuPaStArSaM has entered the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Wait for it, Esme.**

**RUMyMommy: FOR WHAT!**

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of vampire shock* Bella, I'm very touched. I love you as well. I accept you back into my life, if that's what this is. *broods* There's just one thing that you misinterpreted.**

**MsFallsAlot: *swoons over brooding* What, my masochist lion?**

**DoIDazzleU: I have a small penis. *groans and throws arm over eyes in a dramatic pose***

**MsFallsAlot: ...Well that is a problem...**

**DoIDazzleU: But, it doesn't matter right? *starts hyperventilating***

**MsFallsAlot: ...Well it appears I'm in a pickle.**

**RUMyMommy: A very small pickle.**

**MsFallsAlot: I know... *chews lip* This is more difficult than I thought it would be.**

**DoIDazzleU: You can do it, Bella!**

**MsFallsAlot: I was talking about chewing my lip... it's kind of- Ouch! Damn it!**

**DoIDazzleU: ...Think on it, Bella!**

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**RUMyMommy: So... seven sound good?**

**MsFallsAlot: Seven sounds fabulous.**

**RUMyMommy: See you then.**

**RUMyMommy has left the chatroom.**

**MsFallsAlot: You're one f*cked up bitch, Sam.**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**SuPaStArSaM: Mwa ha ha ha!**

**SuPaStArSaM has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Translations: **

**Tu culo se va a sentir dolor si no se traduce de que! = Your ass is going to feel pain if that is not translated!**

**Si = Yes ; De = Of ; Perras = Bitches**

**And yes, I do realized that there should be an upside down exclamation point in front of each exclamatory sentence in Spanish, but on FanFiction it made it change to a square... and I'm anal-retentive (oh yeaaaah, that's what she said!) and I backspaced them. **

**:D**

**Another lovely chapter of shipping!**

**Not as good as I wanted, but, it will do :P**

**Like always, reviews/adds/and favs are appreciated! **

**Happy Father's Day! (I highly doubt any dads read this story though... but I did show this story to my dad once... back like at chapter three, baaaaahaaaaa!)**

**Love,**

**Sam (:**


	29. Do Not Piss Off Emmett

**Disclaimer: Samantha would like to remind you-**

**Me: I don't want to remind them sh-**

**Disclaimer: *evil glare***

**Me: They know already. I don't own Twilight, Google, or Myspace. Anything that might fall into those subdivisions, I also don't own.**

**Disclaimer: Good job.**

**Me: Do I get a gold star?**

**Disclaimer: No . . . ?**

**Me: *sigh* What's the point . . . **

* * *

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

* * *

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**IxFeelxYou has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**DrShizzle has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Gentlemen, I'm sorry to call another family meeting at such an hour of the evening-**

**HearMeRoar: It's no problem here, Eddie. I've been helping Rosie organize her fake eyelashes by size and shape for the past hour and half. The break was appreciated.**

**IxFeelxYou: I hear you there, Emmett. I've been trying to think of ways to get Alice to take me back all day. Everything I think of isn't good enough for her.**

**HearMeRoar: She's a woman, let's not get carried away . . . **

**DoIDazzleU: Can I finish?**

**HearMeRoar: I don't know, will you pay me another dollar? Ah, I couldn't resist finishing that "that's what she said" joke . . . **

**DoIDazzleU: Immature, Emmett. Anyway, I seem to have a problem.**

**IxFeelxYou: *rolls eyes* Your problem is smaller than my problem.**

**DoIDazzleU: How can you know?**

**IxFeelxYou: I can't know for sure, but I have a feeling.**

**DoIDazzleU: Cute pun.**

**IxFeelxYou: Don't flirt with me, asshole. I'm still mad at you.**

**HearMeRoar: Well, both your problems are tiny compared to my HUMONGOUS problem.**

**DrShizzle: I've seen all of your "problems", you're all bluffing.**

**DoIDazzleU: WHY ARE YOU THINKING OF OUR PENISES!**

**HearMeRoar: Ha! I did spell penises right! But why did Alice tell me I spelt it wrong . . . ?**

**IxFeelxYou: *ignores Emmett* So any ideas on how to get Alice back?**

**HearMeRoar: *completely ignoring Jasper's question* So why did Alice tell me I spelt penises wrong?**

**DoIDazzleU: So you'd have to google it.**

**DrShizzle: Shouldn't you capitalize Google?**

**DoIDazzleU: No, I use it as a verb. He googles. She googles. They google.**

**IxFeelxYou: Any ideas at all? Anything floating in that noodle of yours, Em?**

**HearMeRoar: *ignoring Jasper again* You know, that was actually kind of evil of Alice. She uses a bunch of empty threats in the books and movies, but in this fanfic, she's a real, evil bitch. My computer got a bunch of viruses because of all the sites I found under "penises".**

**DrShizzle: ...I still think you should capitalize Google.**

**DoIDazzleU: No, it looks stupid then. I mean, really, what looks better: I Googled Aro's Myspace or I googled Aro's Myspace.**

**HearMeRoar: You googled Aro's Myspace?**

**DrShizzle: Look at what you've done, now even Emmett's using it incorrectly!**

**IxFeelxYou: Guys! I need help! Are you guys even reading what I write?**

**HearMeRoar: No, not really.**

**DoIDazzleU: Jasper, I'd respond to you, but apparently everything I write isn't "fit" to Carlisle's standards.**

**DrShizzle: No, that sentence was right, for once.**

**DoIDazzleU: Why must you annoy me?**

**DrShizzle: You're the eldest and you've yet to bring a lady home . . . **

**DoIDazzleU: I brought home Bella!**

**DrShizzle: That savage isn't a lady.**

**HearMeRoar: Savage. Cabbage. Baggage.**

**IxFeelxYou: You guys are hopeless, I'll go figure it out by myself.**

**HearMeRoar: Hey! I've got an idea.**

**IxFeelxYou: Yeah?**

**HearMeRoar: Go cut a heart into your arm, that's right up your ally, Jazz-emo.**

**IxFeelxYou: Bite me.**

**HearMeRoar: Don't get any ideas.**

**IxFeelxYou has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Speaking of bites, Bella wanted to get back together.**

**HearMeRoar: I don't get the whole "speaking of bites" phrase.**

**DoIDazzleU: You know, since she was bit.**

**HearMeRoar: Oh, so now we can joke about it? Because I remember making a joke about that awhile ago and you tore me a new asshole.**

**DoIDazzleU: I don't want to fight, Em. The main point here is Bella is still wants to be mine forever.**

**DrShizzle: *bitterly laughs* That isn't so, she was making out with my beloved Esme last night.**

**DoIDazzleU: *dry sniffles* Oh . . . **

**HearMeRoar: Speaking of hors-**

**DoIDazzleU: Whores.**

**HearMeRoar: I still don't know what a f*ckin' wha-hor-ee is, Edward! Don't interrupt me with your "intelligent" talk, gosh. Where was I?**

**DrShizzle: Speaking of whores . . . **

**HearMeRoar: Ah, yes! Speaking of hors-**

**DoIDazzleU: *sighs***

**HearMeRoar: Douche bag say what?**

**DoIDazzleU: I didn't say-**

**HearMeRoar: That's right, douche bag says nothing, bitch.**

**DrShizzle: Boys . . . **

**HearMeRoar: I'm almost as old enough to be Charlie's grandfather! I'm not a boy anymore! And if that's not enough to convince you, check out Pedro and the fellas.**

**DoIDazzleU: *shudders* **

**HearMeRoar: Quit mind-raping me, Edward.**

**DoIDazzleU: I'm not mind-**

**HearMeRoar: Little bitch say what?**

**DrShizzle: I have to go, my break's over. Play nice, Emmett. Send Esme my love, please?**

**DoIDazzleU: I will as soon as Bella and her stop . . . playing upstairs . . . *dry sobs***

**DrShizzle: *sigh* Yeah, bye.**

**DrShizzle has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: And the chatroom suddenly just got a little gayer . . . **

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: I haven't felt so mentally abused since I met Jane! *continues loud, dry sobs***

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

* * *

**Hi guys :)**

**I'm sorry I haven't updated much at all, I just haven't been feeling quite myself lately, therefore I lost my humor . . . and if you read my other story Visions of Dead (I think that's the title . . . ) I am sorry that I haven't updated in FOREVER. I'm writing the chapter now (have been for awhile) and I'm trying to see where I want the story to go . . . (I don't have my story plotted out, I just go with the flow).**

**Anyway, reviews/favs/alerts are all appreciated :D**

**I love you, guys. (Except for you, yeah you, the one who read my first chapter, judged my funniness and left, then came back but forwarded to the ones with the funny titles. Titles aren't everything!)**

**Adios for now,**

**Sami :) (That actually is my nickname)**


	30. Whom Crosses Thy Line

**Samantha: Wake up, Oh dear, Bella's queer!**

**Disclaimer: Don't sneer, the story's unclear...**

**Samantha: Bella's gotta get spunk before Eddie wakes up.**

**Disclaimer: Shut up, Bella is turning into a frickin' slut!**

**(played to Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead)**

**Disclaimer: ... The bitch doesn't own anythin'.**

**

* * *

**

**Screen names:**

**MsFallsAlot - Bella**

**DoIDazzleU - Edward**

**ICanCU - Alice**

**IxFeelxYou - Jasper**

**SoHawt - Rosalie**

**HearMeRoar - Emmett**

**DrShizzle - Carlisle**

**RUMyMommy - Esme**

**OffTheLeash - Jacob**

**SuPaStArSaM - Samantha, Me**

**

* * *

**

**MsFallsAlot has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU has entered the chatroom.**

**ICanCU has entered the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar has entered the chatroom.**

**DoIDazzleU: Bella, my love. You're up.**

**MsFallsAlot: It's two in the afternoon, Edward.**

**HearMeRoar: Which means it's snack time! Yum!**

**ICanCU: Oh look, it seems we have a snack. *licks lips at Bella***

**HearMeRoar: *rolls eyes at Alice* Somebody had Bitchflakes this morning...**

**MsFallsAlot: It was Frosted Flakes actually, asshole.**

**HearMeRoar: Hey! I'm on your side!**

**DoIDazzleU: You're after her aren't you! She's mine! *desperately begging* Why can't anyone understand that!**

**ICanCU: Well, She WAS mine. I mean, I did kiss her first! *smug***

**MsFallsAlot: In the MOVIE. Gah, Alice, get over yourself.**

**HearMeRoar: Speaking of people getting over themselves...**

**MsFallsAlot: What the hell is that suppose to mean, Emmett!**

**ICanCU: Well for starters, Bella, pick a damn sexuality and stick with it!**

**MsFallsAlot: ME! What about you, Alice! You were all over me like I was a freakin' Gucci bag a couple months ago!**

**ICanCU: NO. You did not just compare yourself to a Gucci bag! Bitch, you just crossed the line!**

**OffTheLeash has entered the chatroom.**

**OffTheLeash: Whom thee f*ck just crossed thy line!**

**DoIDazzleU: *screams gently***

**HearMeRoar: How do you scream gently?**

**DoIDazzleU: Like: Ahhh. It caresses your ears, right?**

**HearMeRoar: ...You're more fruity than a pack of Juicy Fruit.**

**OffTheLeash: How would YOU know! Is this a hidden power! What the hell is up with you bloodsuckers?**

**MsFallsAlot: Well, yesterday Esme and I went to the meadow-**

**DoIDazzleU: *lip trembles* Our meadow?**

**OffTheLeash: Bella, you're not a vampire.**

**MsFallsAlot: I will be! I've been practicing! *sticks plastic fangs in* Blehh! *dramatically sweeps arm***

**ICanCU: Noooooooooooooooooooo!**

**OffTheLeash: *pulls an exploding Edward with Pepsi***

**HearMeRoar: Coke is so much better, man . . . **

**DoIDazzleU: Pepsi for the win! *toothpaste smile***

**HearMeRoar: Pepsi is for pu-**

**DoIDazzleU: Kittens?**

**HearMeRoar: You censored me, you mothersucker! **

**MsFallsAlot: However, I will become a vamp, Jacob Black. *reads Eclipse* Now hopefully you can get over this quickly so I won't have to pull an Edward because instead I'd like to just skip to making out.**

**OffTheLeash has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: Way to piss him off, Bella.**

**ICanCU: Put Eclipse down now!**

**MsFallsAlot: *ignores Alice* I marry Edward!**

**DoIDazzleU: *vampire shock***

**HearMeRoar: ...But she's not even in a relationship with him, is she?**

**MsFallsAlot: No . . . not really. Esme I think, but then again . . . I'm not sure.**

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of vampire shock***

**HearMeRoar: That's what Rose did last night on your piano!**

**DoIDazzleU: *vampire shock***

**MsFallsAlot: *giggle* Did she really?**

**HearMeRoar: Ha, totally.**

**MsFallsAlot: *drools* That's so hot.**

**ICanCU: ...Good, stay a lesbian.**

**HearMeRoar: Yeah! We could totally talk about chicks and be like brahs!**

**MsFallsAlot: Bras?**

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of vampire shock***

**HearMeRoar: And in your Volvo, Eddie.**

**DoIDazzleU: *vampire shock***

**HearMeRoar: Not bras, brahs. Like brothers, only cool-i-fied.**

**MsFallsAlot: Don't I need a deck to be a guy?**

**HearMeRoar: We'll get you a strap-on.**

**ICanCU: She's familiar with those . . . **

**MsFallsAlot: Oh! Jacob's here! Bye!**

**MsFallsAlot has left the chatroom.**

**HearMeRoar: I bet you my left fella he's going to try and feel Plum.**

**DoIDazzleU: *comes out of vampire shock* Plum?**

**HearMeRoar: Her left boobie. *bursts into giggles***

**DoIDazzleU has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Either he's going to go sulk or he's going to do something about Bella's breasts.**

**HearMeRoar: I bet my right fella he's going to sulk.**

**ICanCU: ...Why are you gambling body parts when we have billions of dollars?**

**HearMeRoar: Oh Alice, money's so last year.**

**HearMeRoar has left the chatroom.**

**ICanCU: Hmm . . . so what can I do with his nad . . . ?**

**ICanCU has left the chatroom.**

**

* * *

**

**Well I'm tired. This was kind of a last minute thing :)**

**But, I'm proud to say we made it to thirty chapters! :D Hellz yeahz!**

**By the way, just for some laughs and fun and such, I have a poll on my profile about who your favorite character is. Bella and Emmett are tied :/ Really guys? Really...?**

**Reviews/Favs/Alerts are all very appreciated :)**

**Love,**

**Samanthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.**


End file.
